


Provider

by Jld71



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Blowjobs, Bottom Dean Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Incest, Insecure Dean Winchester, M/M, May Be Considered Underage - Sam is Seventeen While Dean Is Twenty-One, Mutual Pining, Pining, Possessive Sam Winchester, Prostitution, Protective Sam Winchester, Secrets, Sibling Incest, Top Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-27
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:14:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 34,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22915315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jld71/pseuds/Jld71
Summary: With John MIA and money running out, Dean does whatever he has to in order to provide for Sam.
Comments: 14
Kudos: 77





	1. Desperate Times

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cyncitymojo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyncitymojo/gifts).



> Do Not Re-Post Without My Written Permission - Only To Be Posted On My AO3 Or LiveJournal Accounts.  
> Written for the 2019/2020 Dean Winchester Big Bang  
> Author: jdl71  
> Artist: emmatheslayer   
> Beta: yonkyu

Dean found himself in an ally, down on his knees. It wasn’t the first time and he knew it wouldn't be the last. He shuddered as he listened to the man unzipping his pants. God, how he hated doing this, but he had to. Sam needed to eat. He had tried hustling pool, but the bar had been nearly empty of anyone willing to play a game against him. He should have known there wouldn’t be too many people out on a Tuesday with disposable cash for a simple game of pool. But, he had hoped that some guy would have taken a look at him; fresh-faced and just twenty-one and figured him for an easy mark. No such luck. The guy he met as he left the bathroom had approached him and asked if he was still interested in earning a few bucks. The way the guy eyed him, he had known it wasn’t by playing pool. 

“Hey, you still wanna play?” the guy had asked as he leaned in, encroaching on Dean’s personal space, forcing Dean to lean against the wall. The guy’s eyes zeroed in on Dean’s plump bottom lip.

Dean shrugged his shoulders and then plastered a smile on his lips. Cock sucking lips, he had heard it all before. And then he batted his green eyes at the man. “Depends, whatcha got in mind,” Dean purred, trying not to breathe in too deeply. The guy reeked of alcohol and stale cigarettes. It was nauseating and he reminded himself to breathe through his mouth so he wouldn’t lose what little he had in his stomach. The guy reached out and ran his thumb over Dean’s lips, and he tried not to pull back or punch the sonofabitch. 

“How about you put those pretty cock sucking lips to work?” the guy suggested.

“Only if you're down to pay for it. I’m not free, fifty for a handjob and a hundred for a blowjob,” he stated flatly, half-hoping the guy said no. 

“Little pricey, but I guess those cock sucking lips are worth it,” the guy responded as he thumbed Dean’s bottom lip.

“Come on, meet me outside in the ally,” Dean replied over his shoulder as he pushed himself off the wall and made his way to the door. As he pushed open the door, he was hit with a blast of cold air. He breathed in deeply trying to steady his nerves. He could do this, he told himself. He had done worse for a lot less his mind screamed at him. Silently, he made his way around the back of the rundown building, as he found a spot in the half-shadows and waited. He heard footsteps approaching and took a defensive stance; at the ready in case the guy got any funny ideas.

“Where are you sugar?” the guy called out softly. 

“Here,” Dean purred, trying to make his voice sound sultry. 

The guy walked over to him, with a smirk on his lips as he eyed Dean. “You look so sweet. So young. What are you, twenty-three?”

“Nah, twenty-one,” Dean supplied and heard the guy groan. “Are we gonna do this or what?”

“Yeah, yeah. Get down on your knees and suck me. Make it good.”

“Cash first,” Dean shot back. He wasn’t stupid enough to give before he got.

“No, you suck me off and then I’ll pay you.”

“Half now, half after you get off, or no deal,” Dean countered back. When the guy looked at him dubiously, he started to push past him.

“Wait, wait,” the guy called out, fishing in his pocket for some cash. He turned slightly away from Dean and counted out his cash. He handed a wad of bills to Dean and looked at him expectantly as Dean counted out what he handed to him. 

Dean quickly counted the cash, fifty bucks and pocketed it.

“We good?” the guy asked.

“Yeah, we are,” Dean replied as he sunk to his knees and watched as the guy reached for the waistband of his pants, popped the button and began to pull his zipper down. He licked his lips, and looked up at the guy, trying to make himself as alluring as possible. If the guy liked what he saw he hoped he’d get him off faster and he could go back to the motel they were staying at and wash the filth off of himself. He prayed Sam stayed asleep while he was out. The last thing he wanted was to come back to a panicked Sam who would ask him a ton of questions he wasn’t willing to answer. With an inward groan of disgust, he leaned forward and opened his mouth, running his tongue along the underside of the man’s cock, wetting the flesh. He brought up his left hand and ran his fingers around the base of the man’s cock. He circled his fingers around the warm, semi-hard member and began to tease the guy into hardness with his hand.

“Not paying you for a fucking handjob. Be a good little slut and suck me,” the guy grunted.

Dean grunted in response before he parted his lips wider, taking in the head of the guy’s cock. The taste of salty precome assaulted his mouth and he forced himself to breathe through his nose. At least the guy had washed at some point, he thought to himself as he took more of the guy into his mouth. He heard the guy’s groans and began to suck in earnest trying to get the guy to blow his load; hollowing his cheeks and bobby his head back and forth, working his fingers around the base of the man’s cock. He looked up at the man through his lashes and then moaned around the cock in his mouth, hoping it sounded like he was enjoying what he was doing. He wasn’t, there was no way in hell he enjoyed it. It was just a means to an end, he needed the money to provide for Sam. What little money their father had left was running low. 

The guy groaned and reached down, grabbing at Dean’s head, trying to force himself into the back of Dean’s throat. “Yeah, baby, take all of me, know you can,” he ground out as he placed a hand to the back of Dean’s head and began to push further into the wet heat of Dean’s mouth.

Dean tried to pull back, wanting to get the guy out of his mouth. He felt himself begin to panic at the man’s touch. He should have told him no hands. It was too late now to complain he thought as he quickly reminded himself to breathe through his nose. He relaxed his jaw, taking as much of the guy into his mouth as he could. He fluttered the muscles of his throat, trying to relax enough that his gag reflex wouldn’t kick in. He heard the guy muttering to him, ‘Yeah, baby, suck me. Fuck those lips feel so good wrapped around me’, and he pulled back, leaving just the head of the man’s cock in his mouth; his tongue twirling around the tip and lapping at the slit. 

“Gonna,” was all the warning the man gave Dean before shoving past Dean’s lips and he was filling Dean’s mouth with come. He groaned as his cock pulsed and twitched in the warm wet heat, emptying himself and forcing Dean to swallow. “God that was good,” he murmured as his limp cock slipped from Dean’s lips.

Dean let go of the man, wiping his swollen and abused lips with the back of his hand. He rose from his knees and dug into his coat pocket, hoping to find some gum. His fingers touched on a wrapper and he pulled it out, praying it wasn’t just trash he had stuffed in the pocket earlier. To his relief, it was a mint he had pocketed days earlier at a dinner they had been at. He heard the crinkle of the plastic as his fingers unwrapped the mint. He popped it into his mouth, letting the discarded wrapper float to the ground and be carried away by the wind. He put his hand out and looked at the guy who was busy tucking himself back into his pants. The guy raised his head and met his stare. “The rest of my money,” he stated flatly.

“Sure thing, sugar. You earned it,” he said as he tossed the other fifty at Dean. “Maybe we can meet up again. If your mouth is that talented, I’d like to know how your ass is,” he offered with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

Dean glared at him before he answered. “You probably couldn’t afford me.”

The guy chuckled, “Yeah, try me,” he responded sure that the kid before him wouldn’t charge that much. 

“Two fifty to fuck me,” he replied hotly. “And I don’t do bareback. No glove, no love,” he added as he crossed his arms over his chest. Inwardly he cringed at the idea. Rarely did he allow anyone to fuck him, it was mostly hand and blow jobs when he needed to make some quick cash and hustling at the pool tables hadn’t panned out, but money was tight and Sam was a growing teenager. 

The kid was always hungry and Sam needed clothes that actually fit him. He had heard the snide comments the kids had been making about Sam when they thought no one was listening. They hadn’t known he was Sam’s older brother when they had walked by him, snickering and motioning to Sam who had been several feet behind them. “Did you see what he’s wearing today?” They had turned to eye Sam and then spoke again. “Yeah, his jeans don’t even cover his ankles. Kids gotta be a loser. His parents don’t even want to buy him decent clothes,” one of the boys had said and he felt his anger beginning to bubble up as he listened to them making fun of his brother. He glared at the kids as they stopped, realizing they had been overheard. “Hey Sam,” he had called out and then gave the kids a vicious smile. “Fuck off and leave my brother alone, or you’ll have to deal with me,” he had hissed at them before they had run past him in fear. 

Sam never said a word about the taunts or about what they lacked. He did his best to never let Sam know that they rarely had enough food, always making sure that Sam got fed, even if that meant he went without. But he had heard them and he was determined to make things right for his younger brother. Silently he fumed at their father. John wasn’t the greatest at parenting, that was for shit sure. Their dad just never thought about things sometimes. The hunt always came first, gas for the truck he was driving now or the Impala second, ammo third, alcohol fourth, and his kids fifth, if at all. His father’s priorities were so fucked up; had been since that yellow-eyed demon had killed their mother, taking away John’s precious Mary. He understood the need for revenge, he really did, he just didn’t understand how it could give his father such tunnel vision that everything else fell off to the wayside. He realized that the man he had just blown was speaking to him. He forced himself to focus. Stupid, he told himself; not paying attention could get him into a lot of trouble. Or dead.

“You gonna be around tomorrow? Maybe we can hook up,” the guy suggested as he reached out and ran his fingers over Dean’s lips.

Dean fought the urge to bite those fucking fingers off. “Yeah, might be,” he responded with a shrug of his shoulders. “You got a place in mind we can fuck?” He didn’t really mind giving a handjob or a blowjob in an ally, but he didn’t like the idea of letting someone fuck him out in the open. He really hoped the guy’s answer would be a resounding no. His gut seized up when he heard the man’s answer.

“Yeah, sugar. You don’t mind a car, do you?” the guy asked with a sheepish smile. 

“Course not,” he replied giving the guy a wide smile in response.

“See you tomorrow night, same time, same place,” the guy said as he walked away, leaving Dean alone in the alley. 

Dean waited until the retreating footsteps faded before he made his way out of the ally and back to the motel. It took him another twenty minutes to get back, making sure no one followed him. He didn’t need some perv following him back and finding Sam. As he stood outside their motel room, he looked around. The parking lot was dead and no one was around, he shook his head as he dug the key out of his pocket. He had hoped that their father would have been back so he didn’t have to meet the guy again. But, of course, John wasn’t back yet. Quietly he slipped inside and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that Sam was still asleep. He managed to keep his movements silent as he made his way to the bathroom. 

Once inside the bathroom, he stripped out of his clothes and started the shower. He let the hot waterfall against his body, grabbed the soap and washed himself until he felt some semblance of cleanliness before ending the shower and stepping out. He fished around in his duffle bag that he had left in the bathroom until he found a t-shirt and a pair of boxer briefs to slip on. Raising his hand to the fogged mirror he wiped away the condensation and locked eyes with himself in the mirror. He hated what he saw staring back at him. The pale-skinned, freckled face with wide green eyes framed by long lashes and sensual lips disgusted him. “You did this for Sam. It’s all for him,” he said to his reflection before he picked up his toothbrush and scrubbed away the taste of the man he had given a blowjob to earlier. Somehow his words made it easier to stomach himself and what he had done. He dropped his toothbrush onto the counter, padded out of the room and wearily tossed himself down onto his bed. If he was lucky he’d get a couple hours of sleep before Sam was up, needing to be fed. 

Sam rolled over and watched as Dean finally burrowed under the covers of the second motel bed. Dean had been gone for a couple of hours. He knew what Dean had been doing; hustling pool to make sure they had money for food. He wanted to crawl into bed with Dean, he wanted to wrap his arms around his brother and tell him they’d figure things out together. But, he remained where he was. Dean would lose his shit if he ever found out that he knew it was Dean doing his best to provide for them and not their own father.

Sam closed his eyes and willed sleep to return to him. An hour before his alarm went off, he drifted into a restless sleep, tossing and turning, jolting every now and then until the alarm blared in his ear. His hand flew out from under the covers to press down on the snooze button and he groaned. A few minutes later he was jolted upright at the sound of his alarm going off again. Tossing back the covers, he sat up and turned the blasted alarm off, silencing the room. He looked over at his brother to find that Dean was still asleep. Quietly, as not to disturb Dean, he got himself ready for school and slipped unnoticed out of their room. He’d grab something for breakfast in the cafeteria before the first bell rang. The food staff always had something prepared for those kids who didn’t have enough to eat or had just forgotten to grab something before they headed out to school. He tried not to eat there too often, not wanting to draw attention to himself. It was bad enough that he was the tallest guy in school and got noticed for his less than fashionable clothing. He tried not to let the taunts from the “popular” kids get to him, but there were days where he wanted to pound the shit out of those asshole bullies. He could take them, he knew that. Dean had taught him how to fight. He could defend himself in a fair fight and also hold his own in a dirty one. He just didn’t want to cause any problems that either Dean or their father would have to deal with. 

Thankfully, he was one of the first kids in the cafeteria. He nodded to the few he knew by sight as he walked up to the lunch counter. He smiled, giving the cafeteria monitor his best-dimpled smile and grabbed a bagel and an apple with a mumbled ‘Thanks’ as he darted from the room to eat in what he hoped would be relative peace. Blessedly, his meal had been uninterrupted and his day had been the same way. His goal was always to fly under the radar, despite his height and always being the new kid in yet another school in a long list of schools that he and Dean had attended. He hoped Dean was having a good day. He knew that despite Dean having dropped out of school to help their dad with the family business and taking care of him, Dean was secretly taking a class to get his GED. Dean was smart and he never understood why no one else saw that. Most of the time, when he had needed help with his schoolwork, it was Dean he had turned to. He hated that Dean never saw himself as anything other than a good little soldier, always following their dad’s orders, never questioning, never wanting more for himself. He was so much more than that. As he left the school, he tightened his grip on the strap of his backpack and headed toward the motel room. He hoped that Dean had gotten some sleep and maybe their father would be back so Dean didn’t have to carry the burden of caring for them on his shoulders. But, somehow, he didn’t see that happening anytime soon.

Dean rolled over and sat up. “Shit,” he breathed out as he eyed Sam’s empty bed. He had slept through Sam’s alarm going off. The kid had gotten up and gone to school without him giving Sam money for food or at least getting Sam something from the diner down the street from where they were currently staying. He pushed aside the bedcovers, got up and shuffled into the bathroom to get ready for the day. When he returned to the room, he made his bed and straightened Sam’s. While he knew their father probably wasn’t going to be returning anytime soon, he wanted to make sure their room was neat and orderly like the older Winchester preferred it. He grabbed his cell phone and punched in their dad’s number, letting the line ring until it went to voicemail. “Dad, it’s Dean. Just checking in. Sam and I are fine, but we’re getting low on cash for food and Sam needs some new clothes. The kid’s growing like a weed. I know we’re paid up through the end of the month on the room, so that’s okay. Uhm, call if you need backup or whatever,” he said as he ended the call, knowing their dad wouldn’t be calling for backup or to check in on them. He had wasted his time in calling but at least he could look Sam in the eye and tell him, yes, he had called their dad if Sam asked. He grabbed his jacket and headed out to the market a few streets over to pick up whatever groceries he could with the money he had earned last night. 

Sam would be hungry when he got home, he thought to himself as he grabbed a cart and wheeled it up and down the aisles, grabbing as much in nonperishable food as he would be able to carry back to their room. He paid and made it back to the room and unpacked the bags with just enough time to make it to the local rec center where he had signed up for the GED class. As soon as he passed that class, he hoped to get some type of job that was steady and put food on the table and gas in the car. That was if they were sticking around; which knowing their dad, meant they would be leaving at the end of the month. He knew Sam hated their life. The kid deserved better; a real chance at a stable life. Sam was smart, smarter than him and their dad put together and had a shot at college, what with his straight A’s and all, despite the constant moving. 

He pushed open the front door to the rec center and surveyed the room. Know all your access points, know who’s in the room with you, know what you can use as a weapon if you had to. Those thoughts ran through his mind as he took in the door and large window to his back, the hall to his left that led to a small staff break room, another hallway straight ahead that led to a supply closet, two offices and the bathrooms. The main room was a large and open room with several tables and chairs. Against the wall to his right was a line of tables that held the center’s several computers along with chairs. A few feet away, also on his left was a desk. He nodded to Maria, one of the staff members who taught the GED class.

“Hey, Dean,” Maria said in acknowledgment. “Take a seat, we’ll be starting in a minute.” She turned her attention back to what she had been doing before he had walked in, not waiting to see what Dean would do. 

Dean made his way over to one of the tables and joined the four others that were already there, waiting for the class to start. He nodded at them and then began to drum his fingers on the table. He didn’t engage the others; he wasn’t there to make friends. 

“Okay,” Maria said as she approached the table. “Let’s get started. We have a lot to cover today and then there will be a quiz to see how you’re all doing on the material,” she offered with a smile as she handed the group their folders.

Dean accepted his folder, reached for one of the pencils in the middle of the table, opened his folder, and began reading through the material in front of him. When he had finished reading, he looked up at the wall clock to see that an hour had passed by since sitting down. There was still another hour of class, ending with a quiz. He felt his palms begin to sweat at the thought of the quiz. He knew the material, he just hated quizzes and tests. He never saw the point of them. When he had told their dad that he had been thinking of signing up for a GED class, John had just laughed at the idea. “Yeah, Dean, you do that. Waste your time while I’m trying to hunt down that yellow-eyed bastard. It’s not like you’re smart enough to go to college, so what’s the point?” John had grunted out to him. He had known the comments were coming, but they still stung, to hear that his father didn’t think he was worthy of even finishing high school. He had only dropped out because someone needed to take care of Sam when their dad wasn’t around. Dean knew John didn’t see the point of him getting his GED, but Sam had. Sam had smiled, a wide dimpled smile at him and Sam’s hazel eyes had shined with happiness as Sam had looked at him. “You’re gonna ace the class,” Sam had said to him, giving him the confidence he had needed to go through with actually attending. He just wanted to make Sam proud of him. He knew Sam had some type of hero worship over him and he’d never understood why. He was just some dumb older brother to a great, smart, funny, adorable little brother. One that he loved with all his heart. Maybe a little too much. He heard Maria’s voice, pulling him from his thoughts and he turned his attention back to his folder. He had to focus so he could pass the quiz.

Dean felt the cool air hit his face as he pushed the door to the rec center open. Letting it close on its own as he stepped onto the sidewalk. He had finished his folder full of work and the quiz. He felt pretty damn good about the quiz. He had to admit, at least to himself, that he had been studying when no one was around. His thoughts turned back to Sam as he walked the streets that led back to the motel. He just wanted to see that dimpled smile again, know that he was the cause of it because he had made Sam happy. He wanted to see Sam beam at him, Sam’s pride directed at him because he had passed the quiz. Maybe they could celebrate. Maybe they could do . . . He forced himself to stop that thought. The thought of Sam as his was too much. He couldn’t get caught up in the idea that Sam wouldn’t want him in any way other than as a brother. No, that would never happen. It could never happen because Sam was better than him. He was sure Sam didn’t have these incestuous thoughts about his own brother. Sam didn’t wonder what it would be like to kiss him, hold him, make love to him. Not fuck him, no he wanted Sam to make love to him and that could never happen. They were brothers, blood, family and he was sick just for fantasizing about it. He forced himself to lock down those thoughts and desires of and for Sam. He would only ever be Sam’s older brother. It wasn’t like Sam was gay or that his younger brother would want him. Sam hadn’t been born wrong, Sam was perfect. 

He plastered a smile on his face as he unlocked the motel door and walked inside. He wouldn’t ever let Sam see anything other than his big brother. “Hey,” he managed to get out as he closed the door, locking it behind himself and turned to see Sam walking out of the bathroom wrapped only in a towel. He swallowed sharply as his eyes took in the damp skin on display and felt himself flush at seeing Sam like that. He couldn’t tear his eyes away as Sam smiled at him and mumbled his own ‘Hey’ as Sam walked to his bed to grab his clothes. Fuck, he thought to himself as Sam leaned over, the thin towel stretching over his ass, to reach for his shirt. Sam’s muscles rippled across his broad back as he shifted, rose up and let the towel fall to the floor. Dean left out a soft gasp and forced himself to turn away, to give his brother some privacy. “You hungry?” he asked as he went to the mini-fridge to grab something, anything in order to distract himself from his thoughts. He couldn’t think. Seeing Sam like that had short-circuited his brain. He fumbled for the handle, only to miss and try again. He looked over his shoulder, relieved to see that Sam was dressed. “So, I can make some sandwiches or soup,” he offered as he pulled open the fridge only to let it close again without grabbing anything from it. He was so fucked, and not in a good way, he thought to himself. 

Sam walked out of the bathroom, wrapped only on a towel as Dean entered their room. He forced the smirk from his face as he saw Dean’s reaction, the one he had been hoping for. He knew Dean would be getting back from the rec center around the time he had been getting out of the shower since he had planned this little show of his bare wet skin. He needed to know what Dean’s reaction would be at seeing him wet and wrapped in nothing but a towel. To his amazement, Dean had seemed flustered. Dean had blushed at seeing him. Inwardly he was high fiving himself at how well his plan had worked. He felt his breathing quicken with that knowledge. He turned away from Dean to get dressed, trying to calm himself down and figure out what to do with what he had just discovered. Then, with a devious smirk, just to toy with his older brother, he dropped the towel. He heard Dean’s soft gasp and looked over his shoulder to find that Dean had turned away from him. It didn’t matter, he had seen Dean’s reaction and Dean had seen him naked, he thought to himself as he dressed. There had been a look in Dean’s eyes, one of hunger, directed at him before Dean had turned away to give him some privacy while he dressed, but that hadn’t happened before he had dropped his towel, putting himself on display. “Ah, a sandwich is fine,” he said as he sat down on the bed, grabbing his book to start on his homework.

Dean smiled at Sam, “Sandwich it is,” Dean responded as he grabbed the bread and set about making a couple of sandwiches for them. When he was done and the small kitchenette was orderly, he called Sam over as he sat down at the table. “How was school?” he asked around a bite of his sandwich. He watched as Sam shrugged his shoulders.

“Same shit, different day,” Sam responded before taking a bite from his sandwich. “How was your class today?” he inquired and looked up from his sandwich to see a fleeting smile on Dean’s face. He cocked his head to the side as he waited for Dean’s response.

“Good, I think,” Dean answered quietly. “We had a quiz. I answered all the questions at least.” He fiddled with the napkin next to his plate. “I don’t know,” he said with a frown, beginning to second guess himself. Maybe he hadn’t done as well as he had hoped. What if he had failed the quiz? What if he disappointed Sam? “Maybe Dad was right. Maybe it was stupid of me to think I could do this, that I should do this.” He crumpled the napkin in his fist in frustration. His stomach clenched and he dropped his sandwich onto his plate, suddenly no longer hungry. “Out of the two of us, you’re the one that got the brains in this family,” he said in a near whisper. 

“Don’t,” Sam said harshly, not wanting to hear Dean doubt himself. Anger bloomed in his chest at their father for planting a seed of doubt in Dean’s head; for making Dean even consider that he was stupid, that he wasn’t good enough. “I mean, don’t be hard on yourself. I’m sure you did great.” He flashed Dean a dimpled smile and watched as Dean grinned back at him. “You should eat,” he said as he pointed at Dean’s half-eaten sandwich. He heard Dean mumble ‘Yes, Mom’, as he took another bite from his sandwich. “You hear from Dad?” he asked, curious to find out if their dad had even bothered to answer his phone.

“No,” Dean responded. “Left him a message. He’ll call.” He wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince; himself or Sam.

“Yeah, okay,” Sam responded automatically as he stood up and tossed his used paper plate and crumpled napkin in the trash. They both knew John wouldn’t be calling. The man would just show up, tell them to pack up and then they’d be on the road to some other town, following another lead and working another hunt. “I’m gonna finish my homework,” he said sullenly as he tossed himself down onto his bed and lost himself in his schoolwork. Vaguely he heard Dean moving around the room and then the TV was turned on, the volume was kept low so Dean wouldn’t bother him while he was working on his homework and Dean watched TV. He didn’t lift his head again until he heard Dean’s voice. 


	2. Feeling Trapped

“Hey, Sammy,” Dean said over his shoulder as he walked toward the bathroom. “I gotta go out for a while. You’ll be okay on your own?” He heard Sam’s ‘Yes, Dean’, grumbled reply as he closed the door and leaned his head against the cool wood surface. He grabbed his duffle bag and fished around inside it until he found the small bag he had concealed within it. Pulling it out he set it on the counter, unzipped it and pulled out the small bottle of lubrication. He didn’t want the guy trying to do anything to him; just wanted the guy to fuck him and get lost. He turned so he wouldn’t catch his reflection in the mirror, dropped his jeans, slicked his fingers with the lube and began to prep himself. When he was able to easily take three of his fingers without much resistance, he washed his hands, redressed and hid the lube before repacking everything in his bag. 

Sam watched as Dean disappeared into the bathroom. He frowned at the thought that Dean was going out again tonight. He knew Dean had scored while hustling some losers at pool last night. That was evident by the fact that they had food to eat. Yesterday, they barely had eaten; there hadn't been bread or lunchmeat, no cans of soup, nothing. Today, Dean had been able to make them something to eat. He knew Dean worried about them having something to eat. Dean always made sure that his younger brother got at least one meal a day. He knew there had been times when Dean had gone with little food in order to make sure that he was able to eat. When he had offered to split the food, it was always the same excuse from Dean. “No, Sam, you eat it. You needed it more than me. Besides, I'm not really hungry and we can't let the food go to waste.” He shook his head as he looked at the kitchenette. He could see cans of soup, cereal, granola bars, crackers, a jar of peanut butter and bread lining the small counter. They had enough, so why was Dean going out again tonight? He knew if he asked, it would only result in Dean telling him to relax, that he had things covered. So, he wasn't going to ask, he was going to follow Dean tonight. Maybe he could help out; watch Dean’s back or something. Maybe after tonight, he could persuade Dean to include him, let him be part of whatever scam he was running. He knew that was a long shot. Dean would refuse, saying he was trying to protect him, keep him out of things in case Dean got caught. But didn't Dean understand that he was everything to him? He wouldn't be able to survive without Dean. He heard the bathroom door open and he looked down at his book, pretending to read. 

Dean stepped out of the bathroom to find Sam sprawled across his bed, reading. He smiled at the sight; his brother was blissfully unaware of where he was going or what he was about to do. “Make sure you keep the door locked and don’t let anyone in. See you later, don’t wait up,” he called over his shoulder as he grabbed his jacket and disappeared into the darkened night. He heard Sam’s muffled voice calling to him. ‘Be careful’. He would be, he thought to himself. He had to be, he had Sammy to come back to. 

Sam waited a few minutes before he tossed his book onto the bed, grabbed his jacket and left the motel room; determined to follow Dean. He cursed as he watched his brother disappear into a bar. There was no way he could get inside without being spotted by Dean. Plus he was underage, he’d be carded and told to leave. He shuffled from one foot to the other as he tried to decide what to do. Should he just head back to the motel and wait for Dean? Pretend he didn’t know that Dean was hustling to put food in their bellies or wait it out? If he chose the latter, he knew there would be one hell of a fight between himself and Dean. Before he could make a choice, the door to the bar opened and a man stepped out, followed closely by Dean. He frowned at the sight, it looked like the guy had Dean by the wrist, pulling Dean along and Dean was going with him. What was even more confusing was it seemed like he was going willingly. That couldn’t be right, he thought to himself.

That made no sense to him. Where the fuck was Dean going with some guy who looked to be old enough to be their father? Without another thought, he followed them, making sure to keep to the shadows in case someone looked back to see if they were being followed. He watched as they approached a parked station wagon, stopped and began to talk. He edged closer, needing to hear what was being said and to be at the ready if something happened and Dean needed him. Of course, Dean would then kick his ass for even daring to follow him. 

Dean found himself at the same bar as the night before, hoping and praying his luck would turn around and he’d be able to hustle some pool players and not have to bend over for the guy from last night. “Shit,” he said under his breath as the guy walked in. He looked around to see that no one was over by the pool tables. “Fuck my life,” he whispered to himself before he plastered a sultry smile on his face. “Hey,” he said with a nod as the man walked over to him.

“Hey, yourself,” the man replied as his eyes raked over Dean’s body. “You’re even prettier than I remembered,” he purred into Dean’s ear. 

Dean fought the urge to roll his eyes. “No need to sweet talk me. I’m a sure thing, as long as you got the money and a condom,” he whispered into the guy’s ear.

“Yeah, I got it. Now, let’s get outta here,” the guy said and pulled Dean along behind him. He led Dean out of the bar and to an adjacent parking lot. “I know it’s not too romantic, but it should do,” he said as he swept his hand over the station wagon parked in the shadows.

Dean snorted. “Yeah, it’ll do. Now show me,” he said as he kept around two feet of distance between them. He watched as the guy pulled out his money and a few condom packets. Satisfied, Dean nodded. “Half now, the rest when you come or no deal and I watch you put the condom on. You don’t fuck me without it, understand?” he asked, his green eyes wearily taking in the guy before him.

“Sure thing, sugar,” the guy said and handed five twenties over to Dean and watched as the younger man shoved the money into his jacket. “Oh, I told a friend about you. I didn’t think you’d mind making another two hundred and fifty tonight,” he said as he licked his lips.

Dean’s head snapped up and he looked around to see another man approaching from the shadows. Fuck, he hadn’t even noticed the other guy. “What the fuck?” He glared at the men. “Sorry, I don’t do couples or doubles,” he said defiantly. 

“No, we’ll take turns,” the newcomer responded. “Whatever makes you comfortable.” The man offered another hundred to Dean, holding the money out in the palm of his hand.

“Any other friends I should know about?” Dean gritted out as he grabbed the cash and shoved it into his jacket. He wasn't thrilled with the new arrangement and hadn’t planned on anyone else fucking him tonight, but the extra cash would float them along and he could buy Sam a few more things that he knew his brother needed. 

“No, just Ted and me. I’m Sid.”

Dean bit back the first response that came to him, ‘I don’t give a fuck who you are!’. Instead, he took a deep breath and held up his hand, stopping the guy from speaking further. “No names. We don’t know each other. This is just a way for me to make some quick cash,” he said as he grabbed the offered money. “Show me the condom,” he told the new guy and watched as Ted, took one of the condoms Sid had been holding. “Here’s how this is gonna go down; you don’t like my rules, I walk and I keep the money you already gave me. Think of it as hush money. You don’t fuck me without a condom. Barebacking, that's a hard no, got it?” he asked and watched as both men eagerly shook their heads. “You only each fuck me once, against the car, cause I ain’t getting in that with the two of you and while one of you has a go, the other stays on the other side of the car where I can see you.” He gave them a hard stare and waited for them to agree to his terms. He watched as the two men looked at each other in surprise. “Times ticking. Offer won’t last long,” he added and watched as they nodded their heads in agreement to his terms. 

“Yeah,” Sid responded with a nod, agreeing to Dean’s terms.

“Okay,” Ted seconded. “How do we . . . who goes first?”

“You go first,” Dean said as he pointed to the man from the night before. “You, over there,” he huffed out to the friend, raising his hand and indicating the opposite side of the car. 

Sam’s blood ran cold as he listened to the words being spoken. Dean was . . . No, he couldn’t have heard that right. Dean was going to let not one, but two men fuck him?! This had to be some con Dean was running. He’d get their money, snap a picture of the guys when they pulled their pants down and tell them to fuck off. His mouth went dry and his mind reeled as he watched the two unknown men separated; one stayed with his brother while the other rounded the station wagon. “No,” he whispered as Dean began to pull his jeans down, letting them pool around his ankles, as the man standing next to him did the same. His eyes widened in disbelief, watching the man roll a condom over his erect cock as Dean watched before Dean turned around and leaned himself over the hood of the vehicle. He heard Dean grunt as the man shuffled toward him, slotted himself between Dean’s legs and . . . and began to fuck his brother. His breath stuttered to a stop; he was pretty sure he was hallucinating what he was witnessing from the lack of oxygen to his brain. The man’s voice pulled him out of his shock and as much as he wanted to turn away, to not see what was happening, he couldn’t take his eyes off of Dean.

Dean felt the guy’s body lean against his as the man rutted against him. He grunted when the head of the man’s cock rubbed against his rim and then pushed in. He bit his bottom lip as the man pulled back only to snap his hips forward, burying his cock in his ass. He wanted to close his eyes and try to imagine something, anything else as he let the guy fuck him. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t take the chance of these two yahoos getting the upper hand on him. Then he’d be in a world of hurt. He heard the man’s grunts and groans in his ear and bit his bottom lip as his stomach bottomed out. He felt the man’s hot breath against the back of his neck and he had to keep reminding himself he was doing this for Sammy; wishing it was Sam who was fucking him. 

“God, you’re so fucking tight,” the man groaned as he snapped his hips forward, burying himself into Dean’s ass, pushing a grunt from Dean’s throat. “You feel so good. Not gonna last long,” he grunted as he quickened his pace, fucking the younger man harder with each thrust. His hips stuttered as he came, come filling the condom. He continued to fuck the younger man until his dick was limp and then pulled, his fingers holding onto the condom so he didn’t make a mess on himself or the guy he had just fucked. He knew if he got any come on this guy, he’d ended up with a broken jaw. He slid the condom off, tied it and tossed it into the bushes. He bent down pulled up his pants and started to step away when the guy spoke stopping him.

Dean pushed himself up and glanced over his shoulder as the man started to walk around the vehicle. “Forgetting something?” he asked in a flat tone and waited for the man’s reaction. He could be redressed and punching the asshole in under thirty seconds if it came to that. He heard the guy mumbling to him.

“Sorry,” the man said as he pulled out the other hundred and twenty-five and held it out for the younger man. 

Dean reached over, grabbed the money and shoved it into the inner pocket of his jacket. “Trade places,” he said as he kept his eyes on the two men. As the second guy got closer to him he stopped him. “Close enough.” He held out his hand and waited for the man to pay him half upfront. When he was satisfied he looked at that man, “Now, condom on or no ride,” he said coldly. He watched as the man undid his pants, let them drop to his thighs, tore open a condom packet and rolled it onto his already hard cock. “Okay,” he said with a shake of his head.

The man pulled his pants up and shuffled forward until he was positioned behind the younger man. He let his pants go, the material pooled around his ankles and then pushed his cock into the waiting man’s ass. He groaned as he bottomed out, feeling the man’s ass clench down on his invading cock. He pulled out and pushed back in harder this time and heard the man grunt. “You like getting fucked up the ass?” he asked from behind gritted teeth. He didn’t care about the man’s answer; he just pulled out and shoved back in. He fucked the younger man hard and enjoyed the grunts he pushed from those sinful lips. “Not gonna take long,” he uttered as he pulled out, leaving the head of his cock in the man’s ass before he snapped his hips forward, burying himself as his orgasm ripped through him. He stayed like that, balls deep until the man grunted at him.

“Get the fuck off me,” Dean grunted. He felt the man pull free from him and reached down for his pants, pulling them up and redressing himself. He turned and glared at the man. “You owe me,” he said and held out his hand.

“Sure thing,” the guy replied and dug out the money. He handed it to the younger man and then smiled at him. “You gonna be around for a few days? I’d like to fuck you again. Maybe we can find someplace better suited for this?” he offered. 

Dean smirked at the guy. “Maybe, maybe not,” he offered with a shrug of his shoulders. 

Sam stood in the shadows and watched as the two men got into the station wagon and drove off, leaving Dean alone. At least Dean was safe, he thought to himself and had to bite his tongue so he didn’t laugh in hysteria. The guys hadn’t . . . hadn’t what, roughed his brother up? He felt like he was losing his mind. He had just watched as Dean let two guys fuck him. He felt a spark of anger ignite in the pit of his stomach. This was his brother. This was Dean. This was . . . This was fucked up. He wanted to stomp over to Dean, grab him by the arm and drag him home. He clenched his hands into fists as he fought the possessiveness coursing through his body. Dean was . . . Dean was his, his mind supplied for him. He forced himself to breathe. Movement caught his attention and his eyes trailed over to Dean. Dean was getting ready to leave the area. He felt the anger and possessiveness drain from his body only to be replaced by fear. “Fuck,” he whispered as he turned and hightailed it back to the motel. The last thing he wanted was to be caught by Dean. He made it into the bathroom, had changed into a worn t-shirt and sweatpants and was coming out of the bathroom when Dean pushed open the motel room door. He did his best to school his features, hoping his emotions didn’t show. He watched as Dean looked up at him. His brother looked so tire; like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. He felt his heart breaking as Dean gave him a soft smile.

“You’re still up?” Dean asked in surprise. “What are you doing up? Don’t you have school in the morning?” 

“I was about to turn in. I lost track of time while I was reading,” Sam lied as a way of explaining why he was still awake. He looked over at his bed, relieved to see that his books were still on where he had thought he had left it. “How’d it go tonight?” Inwardly he cringed at his words. He knew how it had gone. He knew what Dean had done. What he had let those two men do to his body and he felt his anger rising. Dean was his, no one else’s. He just had to make Dean see that, but he knew now wasn’t the time. A thought came to him. He’d show Dean that the older man belonged to him, belonged with him and he knew just when he’d do that. Dean’s final test for his GED was in a week. When Dean passed it, that’s when he’d do it. Now, all he had to do was figure out how. Happy with at least that, he got his backpack ready for school in the morning and then climbed into bed. He was asleep within minutes of his head hitting the pillow. 

The ringing sound of his alarm sounded in his ear. Sam rolled over and shut it off, pushed aside the blanket he had been wrapped up in and got up. He walked into the bathroom to get ready for school. He closed his eyes and was flooded with images from last night. Dean bent over the hood of a station wagon. Two guys had fucked his brother for money. He wondered how many times Dean had done that, had let others touch him, use him. Then he thought about the food that had suddenly appeared yesterday. Dean had been out hustling pool. His stomach lurched as he thought about it. Had Dean really been hustling pool those other nights or had Dean . . . He slammed his fists down on the small counter, angry at himself for thinking that. Angry at the thought that Dean had to do something like that to keep them fed. He blamed their father. If John had been around, Dean wouldn’t have had to do those things, sell himself. 

Dean heard the muffled sound coming from the bathroom as he stood up from the bed. It sounded like Sam had fallen or hit something. “You okay in there?” he called out to Sam, his voice full of concern at the thought that Sam might be hurt.

Sam’s head snapped up and he looked at the door. Dean’s concerned voice sounding from the other room. “Yeah, be out in a minute,” he called back and quickly got himself washed and dressed for school. When he opened the door he saw Dean at the table, placing a plate of toast down. His stomach growled at the smell, forcing him to walk toward the food.

“Breakfast,” Dean announced as he sat down, grabbing a piece of toast from the plate in front of Sam’s chair.

Sam shuffled over to his chair, sat and picked up a piece of buttered toast. He took a bite and looked at his brother. Dean was looking down at his hands, his long lashes concealing his green eyes. He watched as Dean raised his hand, the one holding the toast and brought it to his mouth and took a bite, lowering his hand to reveal that his lips were smeared with butter. God, Dean’s lips were so tempting. His mind seized at the sight. He forced himself to look away and eat. “Do you have class today?” he asked as he shoved the last of the toast into his mouth.

“No, Mondays and Wednesdays,” Dean replied as he looked up at his brother with a smile. “I’m gonna drive you to school and then come back and study,” he offered with a sheepish grin. He knew Sam wouldn’t make fun of him studying, but he still felt embarrassed at admitting that he was studying. 

“Good, about the studying, I mean, but I can get myself to school. You don’t have to,” he said as he stood and tossed his paper plate into the trash. He heard movement and turned to see Dean grabbing his own plate to throw it away. 

“You sure?” Dean asked, cocking his head to the side. “What, you don’t want to be seen with your older brother?” he asked jokingly. But the slight smile on his lips slipped from his face. Sam would never want to be in the same state with him, let alone be seen with him if he knew about last night or the night before. He was trash, while Sam was this golden boy. He could never let Sam find out, Sam would be disgusted by what he had done. It didn’t matter that he had done it so Sam had what he needed, he was sure Sam would never understand and would end up hating him. He couldn’t lose Sam, he was everything to him.

“Of course not,” Sam said as he noticed the look on Dean’s face. He wanted to take Dean into his arms, tell him he’d always want him. But he couldn’t. He grabbed his backpack, slipped on the jacket that was getting too small for him and went to stand by the door. He glanced over his shoulder and saw his brother still standing next to the table, looking lost. “Well, are you driving me or what?” he asked, giving Dean a dimpled smile. He saw Dean’s eyes light up and his breathing stuttered in his chest. He always wanted Dean to look like that like he was the reason for Dean’s happiness. 

“Yeah, be there in a second,” Dean said as he grabbed his jacket and followed Sam out to the Impala. As he drove Sam to school, he glanced over at his brother. “You coming right back after school?” He forced himself to look where he was driving and not at Sam, even though he was curious about his answer

Sam shifted in his seat to look at Dean. “No, I’m gonna stop at the library. They’re supposed to be getting in some new books.” He heard Dean snort at him. He loved books; he couldn’t help it. They pulled him in, led him to different worlds that he could lose himself in. There was something so intoxicating about opening a book, running his fingers over the black print and letting the words fill his head with images, taking him to places he had never seen. It was just something he could find comfort in when they were forced to pack up and leave one town for another. 

“Okay, just be careful. Keep your eyes open,” Dean cautioned as he pulled the Impala up to the curb in front of the high school. He heard Sam mutter ‘Always’ as he got out and started to walk toward the front door of the school. He watched as Sam turned back, gave him a small wave and then Sam disappeared through the front doors and out of his sight. He knew Sam could have walked to school, they weren’t staying that far from it. He had just wanted to spend a little more time with his brother. He would take whatever he could get with Sam before Sam wanted nothing to do with him. “Please don’t hate me, Sam,” he whispered to the empty car and then pulled away from the curb. He didn’t return to the motel like he had told Sam he would. Instead, he drove to the next town over where he knew he could stop at the local superstore and pick up things he knew Sam needed. 

He parked the car and walked to the store’s entrance, grabbed a cart and began to wheel it in the direction of the clothing section. He started out in the boy's section, quickly realizing that what he was looking at was too young for Sam. He tossed aside the shirt he had been holding and moved on to the young men’s section. He must have looked like he was slightly lost when a woman’s voice called out to him. 

“Can I help you?” a woman asked from behind him.

Dean turned to his left to find a woman standing by a display table, folding shirts. He rubbed the back of his neck as he looked at her. “Uhm, I’m trying to pick out some clothes for my brother. He’s seventeen and taller than me,” he finally said, admitting defeat to himself and her. He was out of his element and needed help. 

“You’re in the right place. What are you looking for?” she asked and gave him a sympathetic smile. “Don’t worry, you’re not the only one this has happened to.”

“Jeans, t-shirts, a jacket. I just want him to fit in with the kids at school,” Dean explained. Normally he would have been wincing at those words. Fitting in was so overrated, but he just wanted Sam to feel like a normal teenager, knowing that Sam already had it hard. It wasn’t easy for him with the constant moving and always being the new kid in town. 

“I totally understand,” the woman said as she held up a t-shirt. “How about something like this?” she asked. It was a t-shirt with a deck of cards cascading down the front, something Sam would actually like. 

He smiled at the shirt. “Yeah, he’d like that.” When they were finished he had managed to pick out several t-shirts and five pairs of jeans along with a new coat and a pair of sneakers for Sam. He swung by the food section and picked up a few more things they had been running out of before making his way to the front of the store to purchase what he had in his cart. Once he had paid and packed the bags in the backseat, he headed back to the motel. He placed the bags filled with clothes on Sam’s bed, made himself a sandwich and settled back on his bed with his GED study guides in front of him. He didn’t look up from the material he had laid out in front of him until Sam was walking through the door. He looked up and met Sam’s eyes which seemed to be boring into him and quickly looked away. He felt his cheeks begin to burn and he wasn’t sure if it was from Sam’s intense stare or the fact that Sam had caught him studying. He quickly gathered up the papers, shoved them into his folder and then dropped them over the side of the bed furthest from Sam and out of the younger man’s sight. “How was school? Did the library get those books you were hoping for?” he asked, trying to draw Sam’s attention off of what he had walked in on. He just didn’t want Sam to ask him any questions. 

Sam smiled at Dean’s attempt at deflection and went with it. “Same as yesterday and the day before that and the day before that. The library only got one of the books in stock,” he pouted as he dropped his backpack onto the floor. He turned toward his bed and nearly swallowed his tongue when he saw the bags that were laying there. 

Sam’s eyes ticked over the bags lying on his bed and then he looked at Dean, knowing where the money had come from, what Dean had done to get the money to buy what was now sitting on his bed. His gut clenched and he felt the bile rising in his throat, and he forced himself to swallow it down. He couldn’t let on that he knew, even though it was killing him. Tears sprang to his eyes and he wiped at them, hoping that Dean took them for appreciation and not the sorrow that was filling him up. “Thanks, Dean,” he whispered and reached a shaking hand out to grab one of the bags. He glanced over his shoulder and saw the wide smile on Dean’s face; the pride he had for providing for him. “You didn’t have to do this,” he added as he pulled a few new t-shirts out of the bag, holding them in his hand as he looked them over. 

“Wasn’t me,” Dean offered as he cautiously watched Sam inspecting the t-shirts. They weren’t some high-end brand, but they were brand new and that was what mattered. He caught the questioning look Sam threw him and knew he had to think quickly. “It was Dad. He, uh, he stopped by while you were at the library. Dropped off the clothes and some more food and then had to go. He’s got a lead. He should be back soon,” Dean explained with a shrug of his left shoulder. He didn’t want Sam questioning him as to where he had gotten the money and prayed that Sam bought his story. 

“Oh,” Sam whispered as he pulled out the new jeans, three pairs in different hues of blue and two in black. He felt his heart sink with Dean’s words; giving their father credit for what Dean had done. He turned to Dean, “What did Dad get you?” he asked as his eyes swept over Dean’s bed. He looked expectantly at Dean, waiting for him to tell him the truth, that their father hadn’t thought to buy any of these things for him. That their father hadn’t called and he certainly had stopped by with bags of clothes and food, because that would mean their father cared about them, that he gave them a second thought while he was off hunting.

Dean sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and met his brother’s hazel eyes. “Didn’t need anything,” he said as he moved off the bed and toward the kitchenette. “You hungry?” he asked as he grabbed the bread to make them some sandwiches. He chuckled and then shook his head. “Why am I even asking? You’re always hungry.”

“Uh, no,” Sam said. “I, uhm, just realized that I gotta go back to the library. I forgot a book. I’ll eat later,” he said as he dropped the clothes on his bed and fled from the room. He stopped running when he had made it to the library, needing to get away from Dean before he broke down and admitted he had followed Dean the night before. That he had known all along that it was Dean providing for them and not their asshole father. If John gave a shit about them, Dean wouldn’t be . . . His body was wracked by a sob and he doubled over, with his hands on his knees as he cried. Dean wouldn’t be letting guys fuck him up against some car. He wouldn’t be selling himself to buy his younger brother clothes and food. He forced himself up and over to the stone steps of the library where he dropped down onto the top step and curled in on himself. He wiped angrily at his eyes and then ran his fingers through his hair. How was he going to look Dean in the eye? It wasn’t that he was disgusted by Dean being gay. Or Bisexual? He had no idea; they had never really talked about their sexual orientations. He just knew that he was gay and he wanted his older brother. He was disgusted by those inappropriate feelings for his older sibling and the fact that other men had touched his brother like that, in the way he wanted to touch Dean. He sat on the cold stone steps until his tears stopped and he was able to catch his breath. He knew he needed to get himself under control. If he didn’t Dean would start asking him questions and he couldn’t have that, not yet at least. 

Once he was able to stand without shaking, he forced himself to walk into the library to check out a book, needing to back up his story as to why he had left the motel room. He wandered around the shelves of books until he found a section on the occult. He ran his fingers over the spines of the books until he found one that caught his interest,  _ The Dictionary of Demons _ . As he walked to the checkout desk, he thumbed through the pages. It wouldn’t hurt to know more about the demons their lives were entangled with, he thought to himself as he handed the book to the librarian. The woman raised an eyebrow at the book and then gave him a perplexed look. 

“This isn’t something you should be playing with, young man. You could get yourself into a lot of trouble,” the librarian said as she handed him back the book.

Sam gave her a tight smile and a nod as he took the book. “Thanks for the warning,” he said in a soft, low voice and then started for the door to leave.

“We shouldn’t even have those books here. I’ll pray for your soul,” the woman called out.

Sam glanced over his shoulder at her before pushing the door open. “Thanks,” he responded as he left. He could use all the prayers to save his soul that he could get because he was pretty sure lusting after his own brother was a one-way ticket to Hell. With a heavy heart, he made his way back to the motel. Silently he let himself back into their room to find Dean lying in his bed with the TV on and the volume turned down low and wondered if Dean had been waiting for him to get back. 


	3. For Sam

Dean heard the soft click of the key in the lock and turned toward the door, ready to pounce if it wasn’t Sam or their dad opening the door. He gave a soft sigh of relief when Sam pushed through the door. He knew Sam could take care of himself. He had trained Sam on how to kick someone’s ass, but he still worried about him when he was out by himself. He had wanted to go after Sam when he had left, but he had sensed that Sam needed some time to himself. He knew what that was like, he needed it for himself from time to time. But he had still been on edge, not knowing when Sam was going to get back. He hadn’t heard of any supernatural shit going down where they were, but the idea of being separated from Sam didn’t sit well with him. He looked up and met Sam’s eyes and gave Sam a smile, “There’s a sandwich in the fridge if you’re hungry.” 

“Yeah, okay,” Sam responded as he tossed the book on the bed. He picked up the bags and tossed them aside and then felt guilty for what he had done. Dean had bought those for him and he should have been more considerate. Despite what Dean had told him, he knew the truth, John Winchester hadn’t bought him those clothes for him. The man hadn’t been around for days, hadn’t even bothered to return their calls, so there was no way he would have dropped everything just to buy him new clothes, and then return to whatever he had been hunting.

“What, you don’t like them?” Dean asked, uncertainty ringing in his voice. “I think Dad left the receipt. I can take you to the store. We can return them so you can pick out something better, something you like.” He had hoped that Sam would like what he had picked out for him. Now, seeing the way Sam had tossed the bags onto the floor, he wasn’t so sure. “Are they the right size? I thought you’d like them when Dad showed them to me before he left.” 

Sam turned around to see Dean standing only a foot away from him. He could see the doubt in Dean’s green eyes and mentally slapped himself. “No, they’re great. I like them,” he said as he grabbed one of the bags and dumped the contents onto his bed. The first t-shirt he picked up had a deck of cards on it. He held it up and turned to Dean. “Think maybe he was thinking of you when he picked this out?” he teased, hoping to ease his brother’s uncertainty. He watched as Dean’s lips spread into a wide smile. “At least there isn’t one with a kitten on it.” He heard Dean chuckle in response as he folded the shirts and then added them to his duffle bag. He repeated his steps with the rest of the clothes until the bags were empty and his duffle bag was stuffed with his new clothes. “So, you left me a sandwich?” he asked as he turned back to Dean to find him sitting on his bed watching his every move.

“Yeah, figured you’d be hungry after looking at all those books. So, what was this book you forgot and just had to run back out for?” Dean questioned.

Sam grabbed the book and made his way over to Dean’s bed. He plopped himself down next to Dean and handed him the book. He was sitting so close to Dean that he could feel the heat coming from his body.

Dean sucked in his bottom lip, worrying it between his teeth as Sam’s thigh made contact with his, rubbing against him. He forced himself to focus on the book in his hands and not Sam. “ _The Dictionary of Demons_? Is this for some class?” Dean inquired. He scrunched his face up in concentration as he tried to remember the classes Sam was taking. He would remember Sam mention anything on Demonology and he was pretty sure that it wasn’t something they taught in school. 

Sam shifted on the bed, rubbing their thighs together as he reached for the book. “No, I figured it wouldn’t hurt for us to look it over. Maybe become more familiar with the demons out there. This way we can protect ourselves better.” He gave a shrug of his shoulders as he looked down at the book in his hands. 

“Good thinking,” Dean said as he pushed himself away from Sam, needing to distance himself from his brother. If he didn’t he was going to do something really stupid, like reach over, grasp Sam’s cheeks between his hands and drag him in for a kiss. Talk about awkwardness. How the hell would he ever be able to explain that move if he acted on his impulses? He licked his lips at the thought of kissing Sam, the need to kiss him was so overwhelming. “Uhm, so, do you want that sandwich?” he asked as he forced himself away from Sam and off the bed. He moved toward the kitchenette ready to grab the food and place it on the table.

“Yeah, sure,” Sam responded, seeing how nervous Dean was acting just from their slight contact. Just that slight touch of their thighs had been driving him crazy. All he had wanted was to reach out and run his hand along Dean’s thigh, up to his stomach, over his chest to snake around his neck and pull him into a kiss. He wanted to know what it would be like to kiss those plush and sinful lips, to run his thumb across them, to bite his bottom lip. Would Dean moan when he did that? Or, would Dean throw a punch at him? His eyes tracked Dean’s movements as he stood from the bed and made his way to the fridge and pulled out the sandwich he had made earlier. He watched as Dean bent over, his eyes resting on the rounded mounds of Dean’s ass before he stood up and placed the plate on the small table. Vaguely he heard Dean’s voice, but he was too zoned in on Dean’s body to hear what he was saying. 

“Sam, here’s your sandwich,” Dean said. “Sam?” He scrunched his face up and tilted his head to the side as he waited for Sam to answer him. When he didn’t, he called out to Sam again. “Hey, Sam, are you listening to me?”

Slowly Sam turned his attention to Dean, pulling his eyes away from Dean’s chest to focus on Dean as he spoke to him. “Uh, what? Sorry,” he said sheepishly.

“I said here’s your sandwich.” Dean moved away from the table, shaking his head. “You gotta pay attention. Dad would kick your ass if he were here,” he said with a frown.

“Yeah, well he’s not,” Sam shot back, suddenly feeling defiant toward their father. “He’s never around. He’s too busy chasing after some demon, trying to get his revenge. He should be here, being a real father to us. Instead, he leaves everything to you. You’re the one who has to . . .”

Dean looked up sharply at Sam, feeling his heart begin to rapidly hammer in his chest. “I have to what?” Dean managed to gasp out in a panicked voice, his body going stiff. Did Sam know his secret? 

“Take care of everything,” Sam spit out as his mind came to a grinding halt as he realized what he had been about to say. 

“Oh,” Dean squeaked out as he felt his body relax from going tense so suddenly. He shrugged, “It’s just all part of being your big brother,” he quipped, trying to break the rising tension.

“You know that you’re more than just my big brother. You mean more to me than just that,” Sam replied in earnest, hoping Dean would pick up on what he was trying to tell him. 

“Yeah, of course, we’re family,” Dean supplied and then pushed the sandwich closer to Sam’s chair. “Come on, you gotta eat.”

“Yeah, okay,” Sam huffed out as he stood from the bed and made his way over to the table. He pulled out his chair and sat down, grabbed his sandwich and took a bite. “Thanks,” he said around a mouthful and watched as Dean gave him a smile before going back to sit on his bed.

With a shake of his head, Dean walked away from Sam. He could feel his body still trembling from earlier, from the thought that maybe Sam knew one of his secrets. He sat down and scrubbed a hand up and down his face. Secrets. That was all he seemed to have, secrets and they were driving him crazy. He had always shared everything with Sam, but now, he was keeping things from him and it was killing him. He didn’t know how much longer he’d be able to hide things from his little brother. Sam was pretty good at figuring things out, especially when you didn’t want him to. He forced his thoughts aside as he picked up the library book and opened it to the first page. He began to skim through the book as Sam ate, not paying attention to the TV playing softly in the background. He looked up from the book as Sam pushed himself back from the table. “Do you have homework tonight?” 

Sam scrunched up his face and tilted his head as he regarded Dean. “No, why?” Sam questioned.

“Figured we could watch some TV. There’s a rerun of _Every Which Way But Loose_ on tonight.”

“Is that the one with the monkey?” Sam asked.

Dean rolled his eyes in irritation at Sam. “Clyde is an orangutan,” Dean responded hotly. 

“Whatever,” Sam replied dramatically. “Let me clean up and we can watch it.” Sam tossed out his trash and went into the bathroom to change into his sweatpants and a t-shirt. When he came out, he found Dean had changed into a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt and was lying on his stomach on his bed with the book in front of him, reading intently. He cleared his throat to get Dean’s attention. 

Dean looked up and then patted the bed, moving over to make room for Sam to join him. He knew he was tempting fate, but he didn’t care. He wanted to spend time with Sam, have him next to him. He could be what Sam needed him to be, just his older brother for the night. He felt the bed shift under the added weight when Sam joined him, lying down next to him so there was no space between them. He bit his bottom lip to stop himself from moaning at the added warmth of Sam’s body against his. 

“Find anything of use in that?” Sam asked as he pointed to the book.

Dean frowned. “Maybe, it’s hard to tell if this stuff is legit,” Dean said as he pushed the book toward Sam.

Sam reached out to pull the book closer to himself so he could look at what Dean had been reading. His fingers met Dean’s, brushing over them and he felt a jolt of electricity run through his body. He coughed and pulled his hand away, forcing himself to look at the book rather than Dean. After a minute he glanced at Dean to see what his reaction was and saw that he had his eyes closed, his bottom lip tucked between his teeth and he was running his right hand over his left fingers where they had briefly made contact with his. He cleared his throat and watched as Dean’s eyes snapped open, piercing him with his green orbs. He felt like Dean was looking into his very soul, and able to see everything he desired. 

Dean sucked in a soft breath when Sam ran his fingers over his. It felt like he had been hit with electricity and he had to remind himself that Sam’s touch was done innocently, that Sam didn’t want him in that way. He let go of his hold on the book as Sam pulled it closer to himself and then he let his eyes slip closed as he rubbed his fingers, savoring their brief contact. He chewed on his bottom lip, hoping to stop the moan that was threatening to tear loose from his lips. He forced himself to count to ten, then to twenty as he tried to calm himself down. This was his little brother, and Sam didn’t want him, not like that, he kept repeating to himself. He opened his eyes to look at Sam when he cleared his throat, knowing Sam was trying to get his attention. “Find something?” he asked, pulling his eyes off of Sam’s and focusing his attention on the book. He couldn’t look at Sam for fear that Sam would see the desire he had for him reflected in his eyes.

“Not really,” Sam replied with a sigh and a shake of his head. “I guess this is useless. I was just hoping that we’d find something. Maybe help Dad find the demon that killed Mom, then we could have our lives back, stop moving around so much and put down some roots.”

“It would be nice,” Dean agreed before his eyes ticked over to the TV. “Movie’s starting,” Dean stated as he closed the book and tossed it onto the floor.

They settled onto the bed next to each other to watch the movie, sharing a few laughs between them at Clyde’s antics. Sam pillowed his head on his arms, resting his head so he was able to see Dean. He felt Dean’s hand on his head, ruffling his hair and he hummed at the familiar feeling. Dean had done that to him so many times throughout his life that he had lost count, but this time it somehow felt more intimate to him. Just like how he was lying in the same bed as Dean felt different now. They had shared a bed many times before, they had to when there wasn't enough money to get them a room that would allow them each to have their own bed, especially if their father was planning on sticking around.

Dean couldn’t help himself. He reached out and ran his hand through Sam’s hair. He watched as Sam closed his eyes while a slight smile played over his lips. He knew he should have Sam move to his own bed, or he should have moved to sleep on Sam’s bed himself, he just couldn’t make himself get up. How pathetic was he that he wanted to spend however long he could lying next to his brother? There wasn’t even a scale to measure it, that was how pathetic he was. He inched himself closer to Sam, heard his brother’s soft even breaths and laid there, pressed up against him, feeling the warmth of his body. He felt content lying like this like he was finally complete and he let his eyes slip closed. 

They had fallen asleep before the movie had ended. Dean slowly woke to a warm body pressed up against his. As he gained full consciousness, he realized who was lying next to him and his breath caught in his throat. It was Sam next to him. Sam was in his bed. Sam’s warm body was pressed up against his and he could feel himself getting hard from that. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep. He had only wanted to lie there with Sam next to him for a little while. He had had every intention of getting up, either to sit and read at the table or to sleep in Sam’s bed. “Fuck,” he uttered as he tried to figure a way to ease himself off the bed without disturbing Sam. If Sam woke now, he’d be clued into Dean’s little problem and he couldn’t have that. It wasn’t like he had never woken up in the same room as Sam with a hard-on, but they had never been lying on the same bed when it had happened before. He was so screwed, he thought to himself as he inched away from Sam. It had been a slow process, but he had finally managed to slip off his bed without waking Sam. 

Dean padded into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind him. He leaned against the door in the dark and wondered what the hell he had been thinking, letting himself fall asleep like that with Sam next to him. He felt his dick growing harder at that thought. “No,” he whispered into the darkened room. He screwed his eyes shut and tried to will his erection away. His eyes felt hot as he tried to hold his tears of frustration at bay. He flicked on the light and squinted, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the change in light. When they had, he stripped off his clothes, letting them drop to the floor and walked to the shower stall. He turned on the water, letting it run until it was lukewarm before he climbed in. He slowly turned the knob until the water was ice cold, letting the freezing droplets hit his heated body. He bit back the yelp that threatened to escape from his lips as he forced himself to stand under the showerhead. Before long his teeth were chattering and he found himself shivering from standing under the cold water. He heaved a heavy sigh of relief when he looked down to see that his erection had finally gone down. When he was sure that any thought of Sam in his bed wouldn’t get him hard again, he reached out with a shaking hand and turned the water off. He pushed himself out of the shower stall and grabbed a towel to dry off. He rubbed the scratchy material over his frozen skin, making it feel like he was scraping himself raw before redressing. 

He made his way out of the bathroom, his eyes searching in the dark for Sam. He found that Sam was still asleep on his bed. With a shake of his head, he knew he wouldn’t be able to lie back down, not with Sam still there. He had to make a choice, lie down on Sam’s bed and try to get some sleep or sit at the small kitchen table and read. Chewing his lip, he eyed Sam’s bed, wondering if knowing it was Sam’s bed would have an effect on him. He hoped not as he made his way to the bed and sank down on it. He leaned his head back against the pillows and was asleep within a few minutes.

The ringing of an alarm sounded throughout the room, rousing Dean from the light sleep he had fallen into. He rolled over, his hand outstretched as he searched for his alarm. He forced his eyes open when his hand collided with the nightstand, but not his alarm clock. He sat up in surprise, green eyes wide open as he looked around him, the memory of last night flooded over him, that he had been forced to lie on Sam’s bed. He looked down to see that he was still in Sam’s bed and then over at his own bed to see Sam slowly coming around. He heard the soft ‘Dean’ over the sound of the annoying shrill of the alarm and forced himself to his feet. He trudged over to his own nightstand and hit the off button on his alarm clock. “Come on Sam, time to get up. I’ll make you some toast while you get dressed,” he said as he turned his back on his brother and walked the few feet into the kitchen. He heard a groan and glanced over his shoulder to see that Sam was sitting up with his arms raised in the air as he stretched. His eyes trailed down to the exposed skin on Sam’s stomach and he forced himself to quickly look away as he felt his cheeks flush in embarrassment. 

Sam’s eyes popped open as he lay in the warm bed. Slowly he realized that he had been awakened by the sound of an alarm clock and as he sat up he found that he wasn’t in his own bed, he was in Dean’s. He looked over at his bed to see Dean getting up from it to walk over and shut off his alarm. He licked his lips as Dean came closer to him, and heard Dean mention something about getting ready and toast, but it was the closeness of Dean that had him salivating. Grudgingly he swung his feet over the side of the bed and forced himself up. “So, what happened last night?” he asked and watched as Dean dropped the loaf of bread on the floor. 

Dean looked over at Sam, his eyes wide in surprise at the question and then down at the bread. Thankfully it had still been in its wrapper when he dropped it. He bent down, grabbed it, stood up and turned away from Sam. “What do you mean? We watched a movie, that’s all.” He heard Sam shuffling toward the bathroom and he turned his attention to the bread in his hands. Get it together, he thought to himself. 

“How come you ended up in my bed?” Sam asked from the bathroom doorway. He held his toothbrush in his hand, brushing his teeth as he waited for Dean to answer him. He watched as Dean’s movements faltered before he quickly recovered, slipping two pieces of bread into the toaster.

Keeping his back to Sam, he gave a little shrug of his shoulders. “We watched a movie, and then fell asleep. I woke up and you were taking up almost all of the bed, I nearly fell out of it. I had to move over to your bed so I could get some sleep.” He placed two fingers on the toaster’s lever and pushed it down. “Better get a move on if you want to eat and be on time.” Keeping his back to his brother, Dean plucked the pieces of toast from the toaster, placed them on a paper plate and added another two slices of bread. He heard Sam mumble ‘Yeah’ and then the bathroom door closed. He turned, walked over to his bed, crouched down and rummaged through his duffle bag to find clean clothes to quickly change into.

Sam pulled the bathroom door open to find Dean dressed and sitting at the table eating a piece of toast. He joined him and grabbed two pieces, biting into one of them. “Thanks,” he said with a mouthful. “So, do you have class today?”

Dean chuckled, “Told you Mondays and Wednesdays. Today’s Wednesday, so yeah, I’ve got class today.” Dean finished eating and stood. “Grab your stuff and I’ll give you a ride.” He stood by the door, waiting for Sam. “The new clothes look good on you, you’ll fit right in,” he commented. “Hey, maybe you’ll get asked out by a girl.” He tried to tease Sam, but saying those words, thinking about Sam with someone else made his breath hitch in his throat. 

Grabbing his backpack, Sam turned to Dean with a scowl on his face. “There’s no one at school that I’m interested in,” he grumbled as he pushed past Dean to get to the Impala. The one person he wanted was walking behind him. He felt a spark of anger pulsing through his body at Dean’s words and he slammed his door shut. 

“Hey, watch how you treat Baby,” Dean huffed out as he slid behind the wheel of the car and turned to Sam. “I was only teasing.”

“Not in the mood. Could you just drive me to school?” Sam hugged his backpack to his chest, keeping his eyes forward and waited for Dean to start the car.

“Don’t get your panties in a twist.” Dean turned, slid the key into the ignition, started the car and pulled out of the motel parking lot. The drumming of his fingers on the steering wheel was the only sound in the car as they made the drive to Sam’s school. Pulling to the curb, Dean put the car in park, “Are you gonna be back right after school?”

Sam pushed open the door and stepped out. “Maybe,” he mumbled as he closed the door, not bothering to look back at Dean. He was too hurt and filled with anger to look at his brother. He forced himself to ignore Dean calling his name and disappeared inside the school, hoping to lose himself in his classes. 

Dean watched, perplexed and hurt, as Sam walked away without a glance back at him. He had no idea what had caused Sam’s sudden foul mood, just that it had hurt to have Sam act that way with him. He had only been teasing the kid like he normally did. He forced himself to put his hurt feelings aside as he drove back to the motel. He had a few hours to kill before he had to be at the rec center and wanted to get another hour of sleep and maybe some studying in before he had to leave for his class.

He looked around their room, making sure everything was neat and tidy before he had to leave for his class. He noticed Sam’s library book on the floor, picked up and placed it on Sam’s bed before he grabbed the folder he needed for his class and headed out the door. He made his way to the rec center, keeping his eyes open and making sure he was aware of his surroundings as he walked the few blocks that led him to his destination. He nodded to one of his classmates, who was standing outside smoking, as he approached the building. She gave him a seductive smile as he passed by her, but he made sure he didn’t return it as he pulled the door open and stepped inside. He saw Maria sitting at the furthest table helping another student, one he didn’t recognize and instantly stopped in his tracks as he surveyed the possible threat. 

Maria looked up at the sound of the door closing and gave Dean a smile. “I’m almost finished here and then when the rest get here, we’ll start. Why don’t you take this time to go over your folder,” she said and then turned back to the woman she had been working with. 

Dean gave Maria a curt nod and then selected a seat where he was able to see the entire room. He placed his folder on the table and pulled out one of his study guides, pretending to look it over as he watched the unknown woman. She was probably harmless, but he wasn’t taking any chances. His father had taught him that demons came in all shapes and sizes, and to never let his guard down. The person you thought of as harmless could be the one to rip out your throat. He tracked the woman's’ movements as she got up, thanked Maria and left. He was on edge and knew it most likely had to do with Sam’s reaction that morning, the woman had just added to it. He finally pulled his attention away from the window when Maria walked over to him.

“Dean, are you alright? You look like you’re about ready to jump out of your skin,” Maria commented as she studied. 

“Sorry, I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night,” he replied sheepishly.

“We’ve all been there before,” Maria responded with a sympathetic smile. She clasped her hands together to get everyone’s attention, “Okay, let’s get things moving along. I want to go over a few things that you should focus on for your upcoming test. Then, with the last half hour of the class, I’m going to hand out your graded quizzes. If anyone has any questions regarding their grade, I can address it once class is over. I have to say, on the whole, everyone did well. Your grades reflected the amount of time you’ve put into the class and studying the material. Speaking of material.” She chuckled at her own joke, picked up a stack of handouts and began to pass them out. “Let’s start with page one of the first set and go from there.”

Dean accepted the handouts, picked up the one Maria was referring to and began to read over the material. The time passed by quickly as Maria went over the handouts and answered any questions they had before letting everyone know that the class was nearly at an end and she still wanted to give everyone their quizzes back. Dean could feel his apprehension rising as he waited for Maria to hand them out. He was sure he had failed when he was the last person to be handed back his quiz. 

“Dean, here’s yours,” Maria said with a soft smile.

“Thanks,” he murmured as he took the offered paper. He forced himself to look at it and he gave a shocked gasp when he saw the grade written in bright red. He looked up at Maria, who was still standing in front of him, giving him a beaming smile.

“Don’t be so shocked. You’re a smart guy. That grade right there proves it and you should be proud of yourself.” Maria patted his shoulder and then moved off to speak to another student who had caught her attention.

Dean stared at the paper, still trying to grasp the fact that not only had he answered all of the questions, but he had also gotten every one of them right. When he heard Maria dismissing everyone, he pushed himself back from the table, shoved his graded quiz into his folder and got ready to leave.

With a wave to Maria, Dean walked out of the rec center, not paying attention to where he was going and collided with a body. He had been too focused on his quiz, specifically the grade; 100%. He had aced the damn thing and he couldn’t wait to get back to their room so he could show Sam when he got home from school. He imagined a wide, dimpled grin on Sam’s face, one that made his hazel eyes sparkle with happiness that was directed at him. “Shit,” he muttered under his breath. He had just pulled a rookie move, one that could have gotten him killed. “Sorry,” he said automatically as he took a step back from the man he had nearly knocked down. “I wasn’t paying attention. Are you alright?”

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes. I was hoping we’d see each other again,” the man said as he reached out to touch Dean’s shoulder.

Dean stiffened and tried to move away from the man’s touch as he recognized the man’s voice. He was the second of the two men that he had fucked, bent over the hood of a station wagon for money, a few nights ago. “Uhm . . .” He had no words, they were caught in his throat and he couldn’t think of what to say.

“You’re even prettier in the daylight. God, Sid was right, your lips were made for sucking cock. If I had the time right now, I’d have you down on your knees with your lips spread wide around my dick, then I’d bend you over and fuck you.” The man, Ted, leered at Dean. “So, are you free tonight? We can meet in the parking lot and take it from there.”

Dean looked around, making sure no one he knew was around before he answered the man. “You got enough cash to cover everything you want, then I’ve got the time. It’s four hundred for everything you just mentioned. Half up front and the other half when you’re done, and I don’t do bareback so make sure you bring the condoms.” He hoped the man didn’t have the cash. He really didn’t want to spend any more time with him than he already had, but he couldn’t pass up a chance to score a little more money in case Sam needed something else. 

The man stepped forward, invading Dean’s personal space. “Baby, I’ll give you six hundred. You let me fuck your mouth, you suck me real good and then when I get my second wind, you let me fuck that sweet ass of yours.” He reached out and ran his thumb over Dean’s bottom lip and gave him a wink before pulling his hand back. “So, are we on for tonight?”

Dean licked his lips and forced a smile on his face. Inwardly he was cursing his shitty luck at having walked right into the man and his father for leaving them to fend for themselves. Once he had his GED, he wouldn’t have to get down on his knees or bend over for some guy in order to earn some cash to provide for Sam. He sucked in a deep breath, reminded himself that he had to do this for Sam and then nodded his head. “Sure, just you. I see anyone else there and I walk. Is that clear?”

“Trust me, there won’t be anyone else there. I don’t want to share you with anyone else. I’ll see you tonight, at around ten. My wife should be out like a light by then,” the man said and then winked at Dean before walking away.


	4. Coming Clean

Dean tucked his folder under his arm, shoved his hands into his pockets and lowered his head as he started his walk back to the motel. His good mood had soured by the time he made it to their room. He closed and locked the door behind himself and pulled out his cell phone. He punched in his father’s number and waited as the phone rang. He heard the sound of his father’s voice from the other end of the line.

“You’ve reached John Winchester, leave a message and I’ll call you back,” John’s gruff voice stated before the beep sounded, prompting him to leave a message.

Dean heard the beep, prompting him to leave a message. “Dad, it’s Dean. Sam’s wondering when you’re coming back and I don’t know what to tell him. We’re starting to run out of money and . . . just call me.” He ended the call and tossed his phone onto his bed, feeling helpless. He hadn’t heard from his father in nearly two weeks, and, if he hadn’t let those guys fuck him, they would have been out of money by now. As it was, what cash he had left would be gone soon. He had spent a lot of that money on what he had bought for Sam and he didn’t regret it. He had no choice, he would have to meet up with that guy. No, he still had one other way of making some fast cash that didn’t involve letting some guy use his body. He’d go to the bar and pray he could get a game of pool going. If that failed, then he’d show up at the parking lot. As he thought about his plan, his shoulders slumped. His plan to hustle at pool playing would be a bust, it was Wednesday after all, the day before payday. No one would have disposable cash. “Fuck,” said angrily as he sank down onto his bed, planting his elbows on his knees and letting his head rest in his hands. How had he allowed it to go this far? He was desperate to provide for Sam, to make sure he had everything he needed. It had been like this since the day their father had placed six-month-old Sammy in his arms and told him to run from their burning home, and to protect Sam. He had lost count of how many times he had gone without so Sam wouldn’t have to. He had never regretted it, and he never would. What he had done with those men, all of them, he had done so Sam would never go hungry. So Sam would never go without. He just had to keep reminding himself of that when he let the guy use his mouth and ass. 

Sam quietly made his way inside their room to find Dean sitting on his bed. Dean looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. His heart hurt from seeing that. Had he been the cause of this? He had turned sullen on his brother that morning, he hadn’t even bothered to say goodbye to him when he got out of the car. Then another thought came to him. It was Wednesday, and Dean was supposed to have gotten the result of his quiz. Had Dean failed his quiz? “Dean?” he called softly and watched as Dean lifted his head, green eyes locking on his hazel ones briefly before Dean broke eye contact. 

“Hey, Sammy,” Dean responded wearily as he tried and failed to smile at his brother. He could see the concern etched in Sam’s face and he needed to reassure him that everything was alright, that he was fine and there was nothing to worry about. “How was your day?”

Sam shrugged, he was more concerned with Dean than he was reliving the uneventful details of his day. School had been fine, for a change. Since Dean had bought him new clothes that actually fit him, he had blended in and the assholes that had been harassing him had left him alone. “It was good,” he finally responded when Dean stood from the bed and took a few steps forward to him. 

“You sure about that?” Dean asked, not sounding convinced by Sam’s reply. He stood a few feet away from Sam. His instinct was to go to Sam and make sure he was alright by running his hands over his brother, looking for bruises. But he didn’t, he studied Sam for a moment with narrowed eyes. When he was satisfied that he didn’t see any bruises or signs that Sam had been in a fight, he turned and made his way over to the kitchenette. “Did you eat?” 

Sam managed to muster up his courage to ask Dean, “What’s wrong?” He walked over to his bed and dropped his backpack on it, waiting for Dean to answer him. He could tell by Dean’s stiff body language and how he wasn’t really looking at him that something was on his mind. They were around each other so much that they could read each other’s tells and they usually had a hard time hiding something from the other. “Did . . . did you get your quiz back?” He saw the curt shake of Dean’s head. “The grade . . . it’s not a big part of your overall grade, right?” He tried to sound soothing, hoping he wasn’t making Dean feel worse over the bad grade. “Can you talk to your teacher, maybe see if you can retake it?” He bit his bottom lip as he stood there, shifting nervously from one foot to the other.

Dean turned to regard Sam and saw the concern on his brother’s face. If only it was the grade on his quiz that was on his mind, then his life would have been awesome. It was the thought of what he had to do later that night that was weighing heavily on his mind. He shot Sam a wry smile as he turned away from the kitchenette and crossed over to his bed where he had left his folder. He pulled out the quiz and looked down at it before looking up to catch Sam’s eyes. “I don’t think there’s a higher grade than 100,” he said and held out the paper to Sam.

Sam’s eyes went wide in shock at hearing Dean’s words. He closed the distance between them and grabbed the paper out of Dean’s hand. His eyes scanned what he held in his hands and then ticked up to see the slight smile tugging at the corners of Dean’s lips. He found himself smiling warmly at his brother, “Dean, this is awesome. I knew you'd pass, you just have to have faith in yourself.” He heard Dean’s soft ‘Thanks’ when he handed the paper back to him. The smile slipped from his lips only to be replaced by a frown directed at Dean, “Dude, you’re such a jerk. Why did you let me think that you had failed?”

“No, bitch, that was all on you,” Dean shot back, the smirk he wore showed his mischievous side before it disappeared, replaced by his growing weariness. His throat felt like it was closing and he was having a hard time drawing in a breath to get that much-needed air into his lungs. It felt like he was being crushed under the thought of what he was about to do that night. He turned away from Sam and replaced the quiz in his folder. He rubbed at his tired eyes and did his best to hold back the tears of frustration that were threatening to spill. He couldn’t allow that. He couldn’t let Sam see the turmoil that was beginning to consume him. All he wanted was to lay down on his bed, pull the covers up over his eyes and sleep. Maybe when he woke again, he’d find that this had all been a dream. He’d find himself in his own bed, in his own room. His mother would be alive, his father was present and Sammy would be happy. Most importantly, he would be normal, and not lusting after his own brother. 

“Dean?” Sam called out. He could see that Dean was lost in his own thoughts and he longed to pull him into his arms. He wanted to hold his brother and tell him that everything would be fine. They had each other and they didn’t need anything or anyone else. They would deal with things together, as they had always done. He reached out and placed a comforting hand on Dean’s shoulder and felt him stiffen from the contact. “Are you okay?” he asked and couldn’t mask the concern in his voice he had for Dean. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Dean responded as he shook Sam’s hand off him. 

“Don’t. Don’t do that. Don’t shut me out. I can see that something’s wrong. Tell me what’s wrong, maybe I can help. You’re not alone, you have me. You’ll always have me, no matter what,” Sam told him in a soft voice.

Dean turned to look at Sam, he could hear the concern in Sam’s voice and see the pleading in his hazel eyes. “It’s nothing. Not really. It’s just that I haven’t heard from Dad. It’s got me a little worried,” he finally admitted.

“I know we’re paid up through the end of the month for the room,” Sam said more to himself than Dean. “Are we running out of money? I can get a job,” he offered with a lopsided smile, hoping this would ease Dean’s mind.

“What? No!” Dean shook his head vehemently. “No, I’ll figure something out, don’t worry about it. You need to stay in school and concentrate on your grades. You’re the one with the brains, you’ve got a shot at getting out of this life. You’ve been dreaming of becoming a lawyer, you’re gonna make me proud. I’m gonna brag about you, my brother the lawyer.” He gave Sam a wide smile and then turned away from him to grab some bread to make them sandwiches. 

Sam pulled out the chair across from Dean and sat down. With a sigh he looked up at Dean, how was he going to tell Dean that he really didn’t think he wanted to become a lawyer anymore? All he wanted was to get out of the life they were living, take Dean with him and disappear. “Dean, about that . . .”

Dean slid the sandwich toward Sam, “So do you have homework?” Dean asked as he finished making his own sandwich and joined Sam at the table to eat.

Sam shook his head in disbelief, he knew when Dean was deflecting, and this was one of those times. “Yeah,” he responded and then took a bite of his sandwich. He watched as Dean scoffed down his sandwich and then began to clean up the tiny kitchenette. He finished his sandwich cleaned up after himself and then plopped down on his bed. He pulled his backpack onto the bed and fished around in it until he found the book he needed to finish reading. He looked over to see Dean sitting on his own bed with his folder and all the material he had gathered from his GED class spread out in front of him. His eyes met Dean’s and he gave him a slight smile.

“What?” Dean asked hesitantly and then looked away, his cheeks flushing from embarrassment. He knew Sam was proud of him for not only putting in the hard work toward getting his GED but also for not giving up. He just hated it when Sam saw him like this, trying his best to study and reaching his goal. He didn’t want to be a failure in Sam’s eyes and if Sam ever found out about what he had done, what he was about to do that night, he would be much more than just a failure in his eyes. Sam would know the truth, that his big brother whored himself out so he could provide for him. In his mind, it didn’t really matter the reasoning behind his actions, because in the end he had gone down on his knees to suck some guy off, used his hands to jack some stranger off or bent over and let himself be fucked by some random guy for money. Nothing could ever erase those acts from his memories and there wasn’t enough holy water in the world to wash away his sins and make him clean again. He heard Sam calling to him and he forced himself to meet Sam’s hazel eyes. “Yeah?” he asked.

“You’re gonna do great on your final,” Sam offered in encouragement. He watched as Dean gave a little frown and nodded before ducking his head. He knew by the way Dean was acting that he was feeling self-conscious. He dropped the subject and turned his attention back to his book, picked it up and began reading. He didn’t look up again until he heard movement, drawing his attention away from the book in his hands, and to his brother. He watched as Dean carefully placed his papers in his folder, hid them under his bed and then got up to disappear into the bathroom. He dug into his backpack, pulled out a sour apple candy, unwrapped it and popped it into his mouth. He sucked on it angrily as he waited for Dean to reappear. 

Dean studied for as long as he could before he felt his body begin to flood with nervous energy. His eyes ticked to his alarm clock to catch the time. It was nearly nine and he would need to get ready soon in order to meet the man at ten. He put away his paperwork and hid it under his bed in case their dad came back. He hated the looks John shot him when he saw the folder and his paperwork for his GED. He had finally come clean to their dad about taking the class. He had made sure that it didn’t interfere with taking care of Sam before starting the class, knowing that would be one reason their father forced him to drop out. He still didn’t understand what John’s issue with it was. Hell, John had graduated from high school, their mother had and Sam was about to. Why was it such an issue for him to want the same thing as the rest of them? He knew he wasn’t the smartest out of the four of them, Sam was, but he still wanted to graduate. Maybe it was because Sam was John’s favorite, and he knew that even if their father would never admit it. Despite the arguments that went on between their dad and Sam, John loved Sam. He had heard John telling Sam that he loved his youngest, words John had never said to him. He pushed those thoughts aside as he grabbed his duffle bag and silently made his way into the bathroom. 

He set his bag down on the counter, unzipped it and began to root around in it until he found what he was searching for hidden at the bottom of his bag. He pushed aside a pair of jeans to find the small bag containing a bottle of lube he needed, wrapped up in an old t-shirt. He pulled out the bottle, and set it on the counter. With shaking fingers, he unbuttoned his jeans, pulling the zipper down and letting them fall open before he pushed them and his underwear past his thighs. With a heavy sigh, he reached for the lube, uncapped the bottle and poured some onto his fingers. He placed the bottle back down and used that hand to brace himself against the counter while he brought his slicked fingers to his ass and began to work them into himself. He made sure not to look at himself in the mirror for fear that he would either lose his nerve or throw up what little was in his stomach. He breathed through the burn of stretching himself open, silently repeating to himself that he had to do this for Sam. When he was able to take three fingers without much resistance, he withdrew them, washed his hands, redressed and repacked his duffle bag. He stopped for a moment, unzipped a side pocket and retrieved two condoms, better to be safe than sorry he reminded himself before zipping it closed and shoving the condoms in his pocket. 

As he picked up the bag, he caught his reflection in the mirror and studied himself. He saw wide green eyes fanned by long dark lashes staring back at him. The freckles that decorated his nose and high cheekbones stood out against his pale skin. His lips were plump and he could see why some men referred to them as cocksucking. He arched an eyebrow at himself at that, finding the irony in it since he had sucked several men off using his lips and mouth. He shuddered at that thought and took a deep breath. “It doesn’t matter, you’re doing this for Sam,” he reminded himself. He only whored himself out when they were running out of money, that was why he was about to walk out of their room and meet up with that man. He turned, opened the door, flicked off the overhead light and walked over to his bed. He dropped his bag onto his bed and glanced over his shoulder at Sam and then turned away. 

“Sam, I’ve got to go out tonight,” Dean said as he grabbed his coat, not able to look at Sam as he spoke. He didn’t want to go out tonight and meet up with the second guy from the other night. He would have rather spent the night with his brother, watching some lame-ass TV show like they had the night before. But he still hadn’t heard from their father and he didn’t want to run out of money. He didn’t want to have to tell Sam that they had to pack up and leave the motel, that they would have to live out of the Impala, again. It wasn’t fair to Sam, he needed stability, even he knew that. Sam only had another month until he graduated. If he could earn enough, he’d be able to pay for another month at the motel. He would have hopefully earned his GED before Sam graduated and then he’d be able to get a job. He was a dropout without any real skills to speak of. He couldn't put down on a resume that the only experience he had was either caring for his little brother or helping his dad hunt the supernatural when he was needed. But at least with his GED, he would have some kind of a chance at getting a job, even if it was a shitty one, it was better than whoring himself out, and even he knew that.

There was a tightness in Sam’s chest making it hard for him to breathe. It felt like he was running out of time. He watched as Dean disappeared into the bathroom and he knew something was wrong. His plan to tell Dean how he felt, to make Dean his was slipping through his fingers. He heard Dean’s words and knew he couldn’t wait until next week. He had to do it now. He couldn’t let Dean walk out of here, knowing what Dean was most likely about to do. Dean was going to bend over for some random guy. Fuck that! He wasn’t having that. He wasn’t going to let Dean do that ever again. He didn’t care if they had to sleep in the Impala. They had done it before, they could do it again. Anything was better than letting someone else touch what was his. And after tonight, Dean would know who he belonged to and he planned on never letting anyone touch Dean again. They could look all they wanted, but that was all. He wasn’t about to share Dean with anyone.

“Dean,” Sam said, to his own ears, his voice was low and possessive sounding. He stood up from the bed and grabbed Dean by the shoulder, spinning him around. He shoved Dean against the wall and grabbed at the older man’s arms as Dean tried to push him off. Using his larger frame to pinned Dean against the wall, he grabbed Dean’s wrists in his larger hands and forced them up by Dean’s shoulders, against the wall.

“What the fuck, Sam?” Dean yelled as Sam held him against the wall, not letting him move. When the hell had Sam been able to do that, manhandle him and hold him so he wasn’t able to move? He felt his dick twitch in interest as his breathing sped up. Sam was close, too close. He had to get away, but Sam was bigger than him. The kid was taller than him and had more muscle on him than he had realized. “Get off me. I gotta go,” he snapped angrily, not appreciating the game Sam was playing at now.

“You’re not going anywhere,” Sam hissed out and watched as Dean’s expression changed from anger to shock. “I know and it stops now.” He leaned in more, pressing his entire body weight against Dean. “No one else Dean. No one else touches you but me,” he said and then crashed his lips over his brother’s. Panting from the kiss, Sam pulled back and stared into Dean’s eyes, “You’re mine Dean and it’s time you realized that. I won’t share you with anyone. I don’t care if we have to sleep in the Impala, or if we have to dumpster dive for food, you won’t be offering yourself up to anyone ever again, but me. Do you understand me?” He waited for Dean to respond, feeling his anger and his want rising, warring within him. Anger from Dean not answering him and wanting him to.

Dean dropped his eyes to the floor, unable to find the words to respond to Sam. His chest was heaving as he tried to regain his normal breathing. Sam had kissed him, his mind screamed at him. He licked his lips, tasting Sam on them and he had to bite his bottom lip to stifle the moan threatening to escape. It had been everything he had dreamt about. He shook his head, no, this was wrong. He was wrong for wanting this and he was somehow dragging Sam down with him, corrupting him. He couldn’t do that to his brother. He tried to struggle out of Sam’s grasp, but stopped when he figured out he wasn’t getting away until Sam let go of him. “Let go of me,” he said from behind gritted teeth. His mind was going from one thought to another so fast that he couldn’t catch up to everything he was feeling, let alone what Sam had said to him. It was all too much, and yet not enough at the same time. 

“Look at me,” Sam demanded and watched as Dean’s head snapped up and he was met with wide green eyes looking back at him. “Do you understand me? Answer me.”

“Sammy . . .” Dean shook his head. “You don’t want this. This is just, this is . . .”

“Wrong? Is that what you were gonna say?” Sam watched as Dean shook his head yes. He pressed himself against Dean, rubbing his hard cock against Dean’s. “Are you gonna try to tell me that you don’t feel how hard I am for you? Are you gonna tell me you’re not just as hard for me?” Sam asked as he rubbed his thigh against Dean’s crotch, feeling the hard bulge there. “I’ve wanted you since I figured out what my dick was for.” He leaned down and captured Dean’s lips for another brutal kiss, smashing their lips together and then licked at Dean’s lips until he was granted access to Dean’s mouth. He plunged his tongue into Dean’s warm mouth and moaned as his tongue tangled with Dean’s. He let go of one of Dean’s wrists to cup his cheek before turning Dean’s head to one side, exposing his neck. He nipped at the soft skin and then bit down hard at the junction of Dean’s neck and shoulder. He heard Dean’s surprised gasp as he worked his tongue over the abused flesh. Dropping his hand from Dean’s chin, he ran it down his chest, stopping to flick at his nipple before trailing down further to the hem of his shirt. Teasingly, he pushed his fingers under Dean’s t-shirt, running his fingers over the planes of Dean’s abs before he took Dean’s nipple between his thumb and forefinger, rubbing it between his digits until it was pebble hard. 

Dean groaned at the sensation of Sam’s fingers working over his nipple. “Sammy,” he mumbled. “Please.” He dropped his head to Sam’s shoulder as his breaths were coming in gasps. “We’re brothers, we can’t do this.” His mind was racing. He was torn between giving in to what he wanted and doing the right thing. He felt Sam let go of his hardened nipple to rest his hand over his rapidly beating heart. He sucked his bottom lip in between his teeth, biting at it to stop himself from moaning at the tender touch. 

“Tell me you really don’t want this and I’ll stop. But just for a minute, forget the part that we’re brothers, take that out of the equation,” Sam replied and felt Dean shake his head. “Look at me,” he urged and felt Dean raise his head. “Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t want me just as badly as I want you. Be honest with yourself and me.” He searched Dean’s face for any indication of what he was thinking. He felt himself beginning to panic at the thought of Dean pushing him away, telling him he could never allow this to go any further. He knew he wouldn’t be able to handle that, being rejected by the one person who held his heart. 

Dean looked into Sam’s hazel eyes and saw what he had been searching for, love. Sam was offering him unconditional love. In that instance, he felt his fears melt away. He couldn’t deny his feelings for Sam, and he didn’t care that they were brothers. What he wanted was Sam, he wanted what Sam was offering him. There was no way he could say no, not to that and not to Sam. “I can’t, Sam. I don’t want to stop. I want you, always have.” He watched as Sam gave him a blinding smile, with his dimples out in full force. “If we do this, there’s no going back. We’ll never be just brothers again. Can you live with that? If you can’t tell me now. I’ll understand. I just can’t lose you. You’re the one good thing in my life. I couldn’t handle losing that. I’d rather just have you as my little brother than nothing at all.” He looked away from Sam, the possibility of Sam he couldn’t handle that was overwhelming. He didn’t want to see the look on Sam’s face when reality hit him, the horror in his eyes when he realized just how close he had come to throwing his future away.

Sam withdrew his hand from under Dean’s shirt and scoffed at his words, as if Dean would ever lose him. “I’m never gonna leave you, you’re never gonna lose me. Don’t you know that by now? I’ll die without you. You’re my entire world. I want this. I want you,” Sam stated and then let go of Dean’s other wrist, bringing both hands up to cup Dean’s face before leaning in and kissing him. He deepened their kiss, opening his mouth to Dean, giving him whatever he wanted.

Tentatively he pushed his tongue into Sam’s mouth, really tasting him for the first time. He tasted of the sour apple candy he had been sucking on earlier, but underneath that, there was a distinct taste that was all Sam. Deepening their kiss, he licked the flavor from Sam’s mouth, wanting to taste only Sam, not the candy. He moaned around the tongue in his mouth and heard Sam’s whine of protest when he broke their kiss, needing to replenish the air that his lungs were screaming for. 

“Dean, I need to know, who, why?” Sam said softly, knowing that moment really wasn’t the time for a heart-to-heart talk, not when he was pressed up against Dean, with Dean caged between his body and the wall, but if it didn’t happen now, it never would and he needed answers. That was the only way Dean would be honest with him, and then he could finally show Dean just how special he was. Despite how hard they both were, and that he was ruining the mood he had to break down Dean’s defenses. He knew it was the only way Dean would finally forgive himself for whatever he had done and then they could move forward. 

That was when he was slammed back into reality. He heard Sam’s words and it felt like his heart stopped beating and he couldn’t breathe. Sam was asking him about things he had never allowed himself to dwell on. Then Sam’s words came crashing back to him,  _ ‘I know and it stops now. No one else touches you but me. You won’t be offering yourself up to anyone ever again.’ _ His stomach bottomed out and he felt like he was going to be sick. Sam knew his worst secret. Somehow Sam had found out about what he had done. He renewed his struggles to get away from Sam, trying to push him away, but Sam had become an impenetrable wall of pure muscle against him, one he couldn’t move. He slammed his fists against Sam’s chest, hoping that would knock his brother off of him, it didn’t and he found himself with his wrist wrapped tightly in Sam’s larger hands and pinned to the wall on either side of his shoulders again. “Let go of me!” he yelled in frustration and anger.

“No,” Sam replied softly, keeping a firm grip on Dean’s wrists. He wouldn’t let Dean go until he had answers and Dean really understood that he would never abandon him. He was truthful when he had told Dean that he was his entire world.

“How?” was all Dean could manage to say for a moment as his mind ran in circles. Sam knew. Sam knew his secret. How long had Sam known? How had Sam found out? What did Sam really know? He had been so careful, he was sure of it.

Sam could see Dean trying to work through his thoughts and emotions, not knowing how to handle either. He decided to cut right to the chase, “I followed you the other night. I saw you.” He heard the sharp gasp from his brother but continued. “I knew the clothes weren’t from Dad. There was no way he’d spend that kind of money on me. Plus, he’d never leave that much money with you, not to spend on either of us. I know you’ve hustled people at pool before to make sure we had food, that’s where I thought you were going that night. Then, I saw . . .”

Dean looked away from Sam in shame. “You were never supposed to know.” He bit his bottom lip, waiting for Sam’s reaction, sure that Sam was going to call him the whore he was.

“Yeah, I get that. But I know now,” Sam husked out. 

Dean’s head snapped up against his will. He sagged against Sam before he resumed his struggle to get free. He vaguely heard Sam telling him to stop, that he wasn’t going anywhere until Sam got his answers. 

“Who was it?” Sam questioned. 

Dean scrunched his face up in confusion, “Who was what?”

“Who was he, your first?” Sam demanded

“Sam, it . . . doesn't matter,” Dean choked out as his face began to burn from embarrassment. “It wasn't anyone important, just some guy.”

Sam’s eyes shot open in shock at his brother’s response. “It doesn’t matter?” He was having a hard time comprehending that Dean’s first time wasn’t important to him. “What do you mean it was important?”

The only response Dean could offer was a shrug of his shoulders.

“I need to know,” Sam replied heatedly. He wasn't going to let this rest until he had his answer. “Tell me.” He nipped along Dean’s jaw and heard him whine in frustration. “Tell me,” he urged.

“Just some guy. I don't even remember his name. He offered me some cash if I'd blow him. I’d never done it before, but I needed the money, so I did. I knew I was into guys, well, at least into you, so I didn't see the harm in it. Next thing I knew, he had me bent over and he was fucking me. Happy? Still want me, now that you know I'm a whore?” Dean asked, his voice was dripping with contempt for himself as he tried to pull away from Sam, but Sam wouldn't let him go. 

Was it always about money for Dean, Sam wondered. “Money?” He saw the hurt look on Dean’s face and he closed his eyes for a moment, trying to choose his words carefully. “Dean,” Sam said softly, as he opened his eyes, not hiding the sorrow in his voice. “Why? Why did you need the money?” He needed to understand why Dean would allow men to use his body like that. 

“You . . .” Dean’s breath hitched in his throat and he dropped his eyes to the floor, trying to hide the shame that was starting to build within him, threatening to consume him. “You needed to eat, you were hungry and there was no food. I needed the money so I could feed you.” He closed his eyes, not wanting to see Sam's disgust for him as Sam let go of his wrists. He felt hot tears sliding down his cheeks, but before he could wipe them away, he felt Sam's thumbs gently stroking his cheeks. 

Sam brought his lips to Dean’s closed eyes to gently kiss one and then the other. “All those times . . . you let . . . were they . . . so you could provide for me?” He felt the fear he had held onto start to slip away. He had thought that Dean had been with those other men because he had wanted to, not because he felt he had to out of desperation. Dean had been doing what he had always done, put him first. Dean was the provider, not their father. It had always been Dean at the center of his world, and he always would be. It just hurt too damn much to know that Dean had been put in that position where he was desperate enough to do that for him. 

Dean could feel his body trembling under Sam's hands. “Yes,” he breathed out and waited for Sam's backlash at finding out the truth, that he had whored himself out for money. 

“When did it start?” Sam demanded in a tight voice. “The guy . . . How old were you?”

“Six . . . sixteen,” Dean managed to say.

“Sixteen, I was twelve,” Sam said as he closed his eyes, letting the realization of how old they were when this had started for Dean. He tried to wrap his mind around the idea of Dean doing what he had in order to make sure there was food for him to eat. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. 

“No, I’m sorry,” Dean replied brokenly. It didn't matter why, it only mattered that he had and he could only imagine Sam’s disgust for him. He was twisting in on himself, his self-loathing rising, threatening to drown him. “Just give me until Dad gets back, then I'll clear out. Maybe you can go stay with Bobby until you graduate. You . . . you won't have to look at me. I won't bother you. You can pretend that you . . . that you don't have a brother, especially one that's a whore.” His heart was breaking. He had never wanted Sam to find out his secret, and now that he knew, he was sure Sam would want nothing to do with him. He couldn't fathom not having Sam in his life, but if that was the consequence for his actions, for the choices he had made, then he'd find a way to live with it.

Sam saw the look of shame that flashed over Dean’s face and the rage he had tamped down over his father’s absence began to rise. Their father, that worthless piece of shit had put Dean in this position where he had sold himself so he could provide for him. It should have been John doing whatever it took to provide for them, not Dean. “You . . . you think I want you to go? You think I'd let you go, walk out of my life? I needed to know so I could understand why you did what you did,” Sam said softly. “But I’m serious, it stops now.” He placed two fingers under Dean’s chin and forced him to look at him. “I won’t share you with anyone. I understand why you did what you did, you felt that you had no choice. I still want you. I love you. Please let me love you, let me show you that you deserve to be loved.” He didn’t wait for Dean to answer him, he cupped Dean’s face and then crashed their lips together, not breaking their kiss until they were both panting for air.

Dean’s eyes slipped closed, his mind was racing, trying to piece together everything that Sam had said to him until it finally stuck on something important, Sam still wanted him, still loved him even after he had learned the truth. He felt the loss of Sam's body against his and he opened his eyes to search for him. Then, he was moving, following Sam as he was pulled toward his bed. Sam spun him around and pulled him into another heated kiss, and he leaned into Sam, letting him take control, giving him his complete trust. 

Sam snaked his hands up underneath Dean’s shirt, pushed it up and over his head to let it drop to the floor. “We're really overdressed,” he whispered into Dean’s ear before peeling off his own shirt and letting it fall from his fingers. He reached out and began to work Dean’s jeans open, and then slid his hand into cup Dean’s growing erection through his underwear. “Definitely overdressed,” he husked out and heard Dean whimper in response. He hummed in response at feeling Dean’s hands on his waist, tugging to get his jeans open. He shimmied out of his underwear and jeans as Dean kicked off his shoes, peeled off his socks and then stepped out of his jeans. When he stood up he saw Dean standing naked in front of him, and he looked his fill. He knew Dean was well-defined, tight muscles underneath pale freckled skin, but he had never been blessed to see him on display like that. He stepped closer and reached out to touch what he was looking at. “Dean . . .” he breathed out. 


	5. First Time

Dean felt his cheeks burning from Sam’s intense scrutiny. Sam looked at him with awe and hunger, it was astonishing and overwhelming to him. He sucked in a sharp breath when Sam’s fingers made contact with his bare flesh, ghosting over his shoulder and trailing down his arm. He looked down Sam’s body, his eyes resting on Sam’s semi-hard cock, he was huge and not even fully erect. How the hell was he going to take all of that into his body, he wondered to himself.

Sam presses himself against Dean’s body and moaned from the sensation of being skin to skin. He leaned in and kissed along Dean’s throat. “God, Dean, I’ve wanted this, you for so long.”

“How . . . how do you want me?” Dean asked. Tentatively he reached out and placed his hands on Sam’s hips, running his thumbs along the cut of his hip bones. 

“On your back. I want to see you, look into your beautiful green eyes,” Sam responded in a rough voice. He started to back Dean toward the bed, stopping just before the back of Dean’s legs hit the bed. With a soft kiss, he helped Dean to lay down, and his eyes raked over Dean’s body to see his hard cock lying proudly against his stomach, the tip glistened with precome. He licked his lips and then pulled his eyes away to look at Dean. He reached down to run his thumb along Dean’s kiss swollen lips, admiring how red and plump they were from his kisses.

Dean parted his lips, sucking Sam’s thumb in between his lips and licked at it before letting it pop free. He closed his eyes and sucked in a shaky breath, trying to steady his nerves. He was about to give Sam what he wanted, and he was about to get what he had been longing for. An image of Sam as a chubby baby, pressed against his chest as he rocked him to sleep flashed through his mind. For a brief moment, he wondered if that was the moment he had given his heart entirely to Sam. The moment he had become not only Sam’s older brother and protector but also so entwined with Sam that there was no way he would ever be able to survive without him. He felt the bed dip from Sam’s added weight and he slowly opened his eyes to see Sam on his knees at the edge of the bed. He let his legs part open as Sam crawled between them, giving Sam greater access to his body.

Sam reached out and placed a hand on either of Dean’s thighs, his fingers flexed, digging into the muscles. Sam’s hand trailed lower, his fingers dipping between Dean’s ass to rub over his rim. He felt the wetness and his mouth dropped open. He tried to recover but failed. “You . . . You’re uhm . . .”

“I, ah, I . . .” Dean started only to be cut off by Sam. He felt his cheeks burning from embarrassment and closed his eyes. At that moment, he was thankful that only the lamp on Sam’s nightstand was on instead of the harsh overhead fluorescent light, allowing Sam to see him like this, self-conscious and vulnerable. 

“No, it doesn’t matter, it’s the past,” Sam assured Dean. He felt a wave of possessiveness crash over him at the thought of Dean getting himself ready for someone else. He couldn’t let it get to him, not now, not when they were so close to giving in to their desires.

“Very recent past,” Dean added and then felt Sam’s lips on his inner thigh. Whatever else he was going to say was lost to him as Sam placed a kiss on his thigh before moving away from him. His breath hitched from the loss of contact and opened his eyes to find out what had caused Sam to stop touching him. “Sam?” Dean whispered.

“Just gotta get something,” Sam mumbled as he reached over to fumble in the nightstand drawer. Even though Dean had prepared himself for whatever was supposed to have happened that night when he left their room, he knew he still had to work him open so he wouldn’t hurt Dean when he breached him. He withdrew his hand, clutching the bottle of lube he had hidden there for just this reason, and rested on his knees. He slicked up his fingers and ran them along Dean’s rim. He heard the plaintiff whine that escaped Dean’s lips and gently pushed the tip of his finger in. 

“Oh, God,” Dean moaned. He gripped the sheet underneath him as Sam pressed further into his body. He tried to relax as Sam worked a finger into him, only to pull out and push back in with two fingers. His back arched off the bed when Sam’s fingers scissored open, stretching him further with one hand while the other was slowly fisting him. He was panting, and a writhing mess from Sam’s ministrations. “Sam . . . you gotta stop . . .” Dean moaned and tried to push Sam off of him.

Sam looked up from the position he was in, crouched between Dean’s open legs, one hand wrapped around his cock, the other between his legs, working three fingers into Dean, opening him so he would be able to take his cock. He smirked and dipped his head between Dean’s legs to work his tongue along the underside of Dean’s cock, letting it fall from his lips with a wet pop. He tongued at the slit before meeting Dean’s heavy-lidded eyes. “Are you sure you want me to stop?”

“Wanna come with you in me,” Dean breathed out.

That was all Sam needed to hear. He withdrew his fingers, raised himself up onto his knees, ready to line himself up at Dean’s puckered hole when Dean stopped him. “What's wrong?” he asked in confusion, not understanding why Dean had stopped him.

Dean twisted himself at the waist, reached down to find his discarded jeans and then righted himself, holding out a condom to Sam. “Gotta be safe,” he mumbled as he pushed the condom into Sam's hand.

“Dean, I'm clean,” Sam said in protest.

“Not until I get tested, can't take that chance. Not with you,” Dean whispered. Yes, he had never let anyone fuck him without protection, but he had to be sure he was clean before he took that next step with Sam.

Sam looked at Dean and saw the silent plea in his eyes, to please understand what he was trying to say, and shook his head yes in acknowledgment. He took the offered condom package, ripped it open with his teeth and rolled it on to his throbbing cock. He took a few breaths, trying to get himself under control as the anticipation built in him. He was so close to having what he had wanted for so long, he needed to be inside Dean. He shuffled himself closer to Dean, lined himself up and slowly pushed the head of his cock into Dean’s channel. He groaned at feeling the tight heat pulsing around him as he continued to press forward until he was fully sheathed in Dean’s body. He heard a plaintiff whimper from Dean and looked down to see that he had his eyes screwed shut, his hands were clenched around the bedsheet and his chest was heaving.

Dean screwed his eyes shut and exhaled a heavy breath as Sam pushed into him. His fingers were clutching the bedsheet as he tried to will his body to relax. He couldn’t believe how big Sam was, he felt like he was being split in two by him. Letting go of the bedsheet, he reached up and gripped Sam’s shoulders as he tried to adjust to taking all of Sam. “Sam, you’re freaking huge,” he gasped out. 

Sam smirked and forced himself not to move until Dean was ready. The wait was agonizing, all he wanted to do was pull out only to thrust back in, but he knew he had to give Dean time to adjust to being breached. 

“God, Sam, please move, fuck me,” Dean groaned out.

Sam leaned forward, resting his hands on either side of Dean’s head, and kissed him. “No, I’m gonna make love to you,” he murmured against Dean’s lips and felt Dean’s finger’s digging into the meat of his shoulders. He nipped Dean’s bottom lip and then nuzzled along his jaw as he waited for Dean’s brain to catch on to what he had just said to him.

Dean panted as he waited for Sam to move. He felt like he was going to break apart if Sam didn’t do something soon. “Please, Sam,” he moaned out and then bit his bottom lip. 

“Please what? What do you want?” Sam husked into Dean’s ear. 

“Please fu . . .” Dean started to say and heard Sam make a disapproving sound at him. “Please make love to me,” he begged. He moaned when he felt Sam bite down on his neck. “Please, please, Sam. I want you . . .” His words died on his lips as Sam rocked his hips and began to move. 

Hearing Dean finally ask him to make love to him moved Sam into action. Slowly he pulled out until only the head of his cock was inside Dean’s channel and then pushed back in. He set up a languid pace as he moved, kissing along Dean’s neck and he felt him arch into his touch. “God, I love you,” he murmured before he captured Dean’s lips in a needy kiss. He swallowed Dean’s moans as he continued to kiss him. He pulled himself up, breaking their kiss and reached down with his left hand to grasp Dean’s right leg under his knee and drew it up to hook around his waist. He began to quicken his movements, thrusting faster into Dean’s tight channel, causing them both to moan. He brought his right hand down between them and wrapped his fingers around Dean’s hard cock. He ran his thumb over the head of Dean’s cock, spreading the precome along the heated flesh to make his movements more pleasurable for Dean. He watched as Dean bit his bottom lip and arched his back off the bed as he began to fist him in time to his thrusts.

Dean let out a deep moan when Sam wrapped his fingers around his erection and began to fist him, matching the movement of his hand to his thrusts. He thrashed his head from side to side and bit his bottom lip as Sam slammed into him. He felt like he was drowning as wave after wave of pleasure washed over him. He had never felt this way before like he mattered. He heard Sam’s low voice telling him how beautiful he was, how he was wanted and that he was loved. Sam was breaking him down and he gave into it. His breathing quickened and he felt a tingle at the base of his spine. “Sam,” he called out and reached up to tangle his fingers in Sam’s hair. He felt Sam shift, his eyes widened in surprise and he gasped when Sam hit his prostate. 

Sam watched Dean’s reaction in amazement when he shifted his body so he could hit Dean’s prostate. He dropped his chin to his chest and felt Dean’s fingers in his hair. He heard Dean’s voice and realized Dean was murmuring to him. Dean was breathlessly calling his name. He raised his head so he was able to look at Dean. He met Dean’s eyes and took a shuttered breath when he heard Dean speaking again, telling him that he loved him. With a moan, he pulled out and pushed back in making sure to hit Dean’s prostate on each thrust.

“Sam, Sammy, love, love you so much,” Dean murmured and then felt his orgasm beginning to hit him. He dropped his hands to the bed and clutched at the bedsheet as his orgasm built to the breaking point. “Sam, gonna come,” he cried out, trying to warn him. 

“Let go, I’ve got you, Dean,” Sam responded softly.

Dean closed his eyes, his body went taut and his muscles locked up, his back arched off the bed as he came, with Sam’s name on his lips. He was gasping for air when he finally opened his eyes to see Sam staring intently down at him. He shuddered at the intensity of Sam’s stare.

Sam felt Dean’s hot come spill over his fingers as he continued to fist him through his orgasm. When he was sure that Dean was satisfied he released him, letting his softening cock slip from his fingers. He brought his fingers to his mouth, letting his tongue snake out to lick at them. His eyes slipped closed as he tasted Dean’s release, sucking his fingers into his mouth. He heard a sharp gasp and his eyes snapped open to see Dean was watching him. He could hear Dean’s heavy breathing, saw his chest rising and falling rapidly as Dean stared at him and he continued to lick the come from his fingers.

“That’s fucking hot,” Dean panted out. He reached up and pulled Sam down to him for a sloppy kiss. He tasted himself on Sam’s lips and then pushed his tongue past Sam’s lips to lick into his mouth. He moaned at the taste, the two of them mingled together. He hooked his other leg around Sam’s hip, pulling him in and then bucked his hips, urging Sam to move faster. 

Willingly, he allowed Dean to pull him down into a kiss. He placed his hands on either side of Dean’s head, content to kiss him and take his time. When Dean urged him on, he let go, thrusting into Dean hard and fast. His orgasm ripped through him and he slammed hips against Dean’s ass. He called out Dean’s name and then bit down on his neck as he came. As he worked them both through the aftershocks of their orgasms, he peppered Dean’s neck and chest with kisses until their breathing evened out from the heaving panting they had both been doing. Gently he pulled out of Dean and got up to dispose of the used condom. When he returned he held a warm wet washcloth in his hand and cleaned Dean’s stomach and thighs before balling it up and tossing it into the bathroom. He looked down to see Dean watching him through hooded eyes and gave him a dimpled smile.

Dean returned Sam’s smile. His heart thudded in his chest and he was pretty sure Sam could hear it. He moved on the bed, making room for Sam. When Sam didn’t move to join him, he reached out and grabbed his wrist, pulling him down onto the bed so Sam was on his back looking up at him. He ran his fingers through Sam’s hair, pushing it back from his face before he leaned over and languidly kissed him. He felt Sam’s hand at the small of his back, his fingers stroking up and down his spine and he shuddered from the soft caresses. “Next time I’m gonna ride you,” Dean murmured as he pulled back and shifted so he was lying with his head on Sam’s chest. He felt Sam’s arms encircle him, pulling him tighter to his body and he allowed himself to relax into the safety Sam was offering him. 

“Yeah, and I'm gonna hold you to that,” Sam panted out. 

“Remind me to send a thank you card to whoever your first was,” Dean huffed out. He heard Sam laugh softly and raised his head to look at him, trying to figure out what was so amusing to him.

Sam saw the confused look on Dean’s face. “You can make that card out to yourself. You're my first, and my only,” Sam explained.

“How . . . If I was your first how did you know what to do?” Dean asked, not able to hide the surprise in his voice. He had only been with a handful of men, only those he had allowed to fuck him for money, and none of them had bothered to make it pleasurable for him. He had only been a willing body for them to use so they could get off. He heard Sam’s deep voice calling to him, drawing him out of his thoughts. 

“Research, Dean. The library is full of useful books, if you take the time to search through them,” Sam explained. 

“You and your fucking books,” Dean rasped out sleepily. He molded himself to Sam’s body and began to drift off to sleep wrapped in Sam’s arms.

Sam heard Dean’s breathing even out and chuckled. Dean, his take no shit brother, was wrapped in his arms, with his head resting on his shoulder and asleep. He had made love to Dean and Dean was finally his. He kissed the top of Dean’s head, gave a contented sigh and let himself relax as the need to sleep pulled him down into unconsciousness with a smile on his lips.

Sometime in the early hours of the morning, Dean was the first to wake and found himself still pressed against Sam’s warm body. He realized they were naked as his sleep foggy brain became active. He sucked in a sharp breath as he remembered what they had done the night before, what he had allowed to happen. “Oh, God,” he whispered as he began to panic. He tried to extract himself from Sam’s arms without waking him. He needed to get away. This had been a mistake, one he should never have let happen. He had given in to his deepest secret desire, one he had managed to pull Sam into. Sam was his brother, and he had corrupted him. Slowly he pulled himself away from Sam’s chest and sat up. He was about to swing his legs off the bed, give them some much-needed distance when he felt a hand on his arm, stopping him from moving. He went rigid, not daring to move. He couldn’t even look at Sam when Sam called his name. 

“Dean,” Sam called in a sleepy voice and cracked an eye open when he didn’t get a response. He felt the tremors running through Dean’s body and forced himself to sit up. “Dean, what’s wrong?” He watched as Dean shook his head no and then tried to pull away from him. Not willing to let him go, he tightened his grip on Dean’s arm. “Talk to me,” he urged in a soft soothing voice.

“I . . . Oh, God . . .” Dean managed to gasp out before he tried to pull away again. “I’m sorry, Sammy, I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “Please forgive me.”

“Forgive you? For what? I don’t understand,” Sam asked in confusion. He felt his heart beating rapidly in his chest as Dean’s words tumbled from his lips. All he knew was that something was wrong and Dean was upset.

“For last night. For not stopping, for taking what I wanted from you. It was wrong of me to allow it to happen.” Dean squeezed his eyes shut when he felt movement on the bed. 

Not letting go of Dean, Sam shifted so he was pressed against Dean’s back, with his chin resting on Dean’s shoulder. “Allow it to happen? Like you could have stopped me. Dean, you didn’t take anything from me that wasn’t offered. Besides, if I remember correctly, I was the one who initiated last night. And I have no regrets,” he whispered into Dean’s ear and then planted a soft kiss just below his earlobe. He wrapped his arm around Dean to place his hand over his heart. “I love you. We can make this work, you’ve got to let go of your fear and give in to your feelings. You’re allowed to be happy. You’re allowed to want things and you’re allowed to be loved.” He relinquished his grip on Dean’s arm to bring his hand up to Dean’s face. Gently, he ran his thumb over Dean’s lips before tilting Dean’s head so they were looking at each other. “Please, Dean, don’t run from your feelings, don’t run from me,” he begged. 

Dean closed his eyes, giving himself a moment to try to make sense of everything. He raised his hand and placed it over the one resting on his heart. “I love you,” he said as he opened his eyes to look into Sam’s. “I’m willing if you are. We’ll figure it out together.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he found himself being manhandled by Sam onto his back. “Sam . . .”

Sam didn’t give Dean a chance to say anything else. He crashed their lips together in a searing kiss, swallowing his moans when Dean parted his lips so their tongues could tangle together. He trailed his fingers over Dean’s chest, rubbing at one nipple until it hardened, only to let it go to work the other to pebble hardness. He inched his fingers down Dean’s stomach, to tease him by running his fingers through his coarse pubic hair. He felt Dean’s hips buck up, trying to get him to move his hand lower. He nipped along Dean’s jaw, ignoring Dean’s attempts to get him to move further south until a needy whimper escaped his lips. He bit down on Dean’s pulse point as he wrapped his fingers around his throbbing cock. 

“Sam,” Dean cried out when Sam’s thumb rubbed over his leaking slit. He could feel Sam’s rock hard cock resting against his thigh, and he tried to reach between them to take Sam into his hand, to reciprocate the pleasure Sam was giving him.

Sam lifted his head from the patch of skin he was sucking on when he felt Dean’s hand inching closer to his cock. “No, you promised that you were gonna ride me the next time.” He lowered his head, letting the tip of his tongue lick over the bruise forming and felt Dean’s dick pulse in his hand. Apparently Dean liked that idea as much as he did. He felt Dean withdraw his hand only to grab onto his shoulder while his other hand tangled in his hair.

A feeling of lust shot through his body when Sam reminded him of his earlier words. He found himself shaking his head yes in agreement and it felt like he had just gotten unbelievably harder as the blood rushed south to just one area of his body. He parted his legs wider when Sam’s hand let go of his throbbing cock to push between his legs. Sam’s fingers found his rim and he let out a needy moan. He arched up, his teeth sinking into Sam’s shoulder when Sam’s finger pushed in. He groaned into the bitten skin when Sam worked a second finger in, scissoring them to stretch him open.

“God, Dean, you’re still wet from last night. Fuck I want you, right now.” Sam started to move them so he was on his back, helping Dean to straddle his thighs. He opened his mouth to ask what Dean was doing when he saw him twist himself at his waist to reach down to his discarded jeans. He understood when Dean pulled back holding a condom. 

Dean tore the condom package open with his teeth. He let the torn wrapper flutter to the floor as he began to roll the condom on Sam’s rock hard dick. They were both breathing heavily by the time he had accomplished that act. He had to let go of Sam in order to shift himself up Sam’s body and then straddled his hips. He sucked his bottom lip between his teeth as he reached behind himself to take Sam’s cock in his hand to guide him into his body. He planted his other hand on Sam’s chest, positioned the head of Sam’s dick at his hole and sank down onto his cock. They groaned in unison when he was fully impaled.

Sam’s eyes rolled back in his head when he was fully sheathed in Dean’s tight heat. Dean was still so tight and his channel was warm and pulsing around him. He had to concentrate on not bucking his hips up into Dean’s body, knowing he needed to give him time to adjust to having his cock in his ass. “You feel so good,” he murmured, and then opened his eyes when Dean placed his other hand on his chest to look up into Dean’s eyes.

With both of his hands on Sam’s chest, he leaned down to lick at Sam’s lips. “Sam,” he panted against Sam’s lips. “You’re . . . gonna . . . be the . . . death of . . . me, “ he gasped out and then planted a hot kiss on Sam’s lips. He forced himself upright to lift himself up from Sam’s cock. He felt Sam’s hands on him, coming to rest on his hips, as he lifted himself up Sam’s fingers dug into his flesh, pulling him back down to impale him on his cock, pushing a moan from his throat. 

Sam had his hands on Dean’s hips, guiding him up and down on his cock. He took in the sight of Dean riding him and groaned. He felt the weight of Dean’s hands on his chest as he steadied himself. He had his eyes closed, with his head slightly tipped forward, and moans of pleasure were forced from his parted lips every time he dragged Dean down onto his cock. Not that he would ever ask, but he could only guess by the way Dean was responding to his touches that those men had only taken what they had wanted from him, never caring about giving him any pleasure. He had to push aside his thoughts of Dean with anyone else, that was the past he reminded himself. Dean was his, finally his and he would do everything he could to make him happy and show him how much he was loved. “Dean, you're so beautiful and mine,” he stated in a possessive voice. He reached up with his right hand to run his fingers gently along Dean’s cheek and felt Dean lean into his touch.

“Yours Sam, only yours,” Dean agreed, knowing it was the truth. He was Sam’s now, had been his all along. “No one else, I promise.” He felt Sam tighten his grip and knew he’d have bruises in the shape and size of Sam’s fingers on his hips along with the hickey Sam had given him and he didn’t care. He’d gladly sport the bruises, wear Sam’s mark, showing everyone he was Sam’s. 

Hearing Dean’s promise had him reaching up to pull Dean down so he was resting flush against his body. He managed to flip them so Dean was now underneath him with his legs wrapped around his waist. He kissed Dean, licked over his bottom lip and then bit it before pulling away to watch Dean’s reaction as he snapped his hips forward. He heard Dean moaning his name and realized Dean was begging to let him come. He propped himself up on his left hand and reached between their bodies with his right to run his thumb over the head of Dean’s cock. 

“Sam, Sam, Sam,” Dean chanted. “Please Sam, let me, please . . .” His words were cut off by a guttural moan when Sam snapped his hips forward, slamming into him and hitting his prostate. He felt Sam shifting, the warmth of his body disappearing as he pulled away. He cried out when Sam’s thumb rubbed over his leaking cock, spreading the precome and using it to slick his cock and Sam’s fingers. He bucked his hips up as Sam wrapped his fingers around his cock and started to fist him. With the onslaught of pleasurable sensations coursing through his body from Sam’s hand on him and cock inside him, he knew it wouldn’t be long before he came. “Gonna come,” he called out before his back arched off the bed and his muscles locked up as he came, spilling over Sam’s hand and his own stomach. His vision whited out and he collapsed against the bed, letting his body go lax as Sam slammed into him.

Sam rocked his hips forward, pulled back and thrust into Dean’s channel, and Dean’s muscles tightened around him as his orgasm hit. His thrusts became erratic as he chased after his own release. He pulled out and slammed back into Dean as his orgasm ripped through him. His arm gave out and he toppled onto Dean’s prone body. His foggy brain registered a soft grunt and a muffled call of his name. He forced himself to move, to lift his weight off of Dean so he was able to breathe. “Sorry,” he whispered and placed a soft kiss on Dean’s lips before he pulled his softening dick from Dean’s body to disappear into the bathroom.

Dean laid on the bed enjoying the languid feel of his body. He was content to curl up and sleep until Sam woke him, rolled him over and slid back into him. He felt a faint spark of desire curl through his body, but he was too tired to act on it. He turned his head to watch for Sam and noticed the time. Sam had to be in school in less than an hour. In a panic, he bolted upright and out of bed. “Shit, Sammy, we don’t have much time,” he called out as he followed Sam into the bathroom. He pushed passed him to get into the shower while Sam stared at him in confusion.

“Much time?” Sam repeated.

“School starts in less than an hour. Get a move on,” he stated and heard Sam groan in protest. 

“Fine,” Sam grumbled and turned to the sink to wash up before stomping into the bedroom to get dressed. He knew he wouldn’t be able to talk Dean into forgetting about school so they could stay wrapped up in each other all day. He sensed Dean needed to put his wall up for a little while until he adjusted to the change in their brotherly relationship. If he pushed Dean too hard, Dean would not only shut down, but he’d shut him out. He didn’t want that to happen, not now, not after they had finally admitted their feelings for each other. He chose the smartest route to follow, which was to give in to what Dean wanted. 

Dean emerged from the bathroom to find Sam dressed and making toast. He grabbed clothes out of his duffle bag and quickly dressed. “Anything you need to be washed, hand it over,” he called over his shoulder as he gathered his dirty laundry and tossed it into the spare duffle bag they used as a laundry basket. He needed to focus on the mundane right at that moment. He needed time to wrap his head around everything that had happened between himself and Sam. 

“Here,” Sam said as he came up behind Dean.

Dean turned to Sam, ready to take his dirty clothes, but found Sam shoving a piece of toast into his mouth before walking away to grab the clothes he needed to wash. “Thanks,” he mumbled between bites of toast. Once finished, he added Sam’s clothes to the pile and then zipped up the bag. He pulled his folder out from underneath his bed and carried it along with the laundry to the door. “Ready?” he asked as he glanced over at Sam.

“Yeah, I’m coming,” Sam responded grudgingly as he grabbed his backpack and made his way over so they could leave. He pressed himself against Dean and kissed him, tasting Dean and the buttered toast on his lips. When the kiss ended, he pulled back and licked his lips. “Okay, I’m ready,” he said with a sly smile and then pulled the door open, not waiting for Dean’s response.

With a shake of his head Dean closed and locked their room. He joined Sam in the car, tossed the bag and folder into the backseat and then started the car. He gave Sam a sideways glance before pulling the car out of their parking space to make the drive to drop Sam off at school.

As the Impala came to a stop, Sam turned toward Dean, his eyes locked on him as they sat less than three feet away from each other in the Impala. “I want to feel you when I make love to you,” he stated.

Dean tucked his chin against his chest and closed his eyes, trying to figure out how to respond to Sam’s words. He raised his head, opened his eyes and met Sam’s stare. “I’ll pick you up after school and then go to the clinic. Once I know for sure, then I’ll give you that. But not before.” 

“Okay,” Sam agreed with a shake of his head. He reached out, rested his hand on Dean’s thigh and gave it a squeeze. It was the best he could do at that moment as he fought against the desire to crowd Dean against the door and kiss him until they were both panting for air. He let go of Dean and shouldered the car door open. “I’ll see you after school,” he said as he got out. He turned back to Dean, ready to close the door and saw a look of uncertainty on his face. He frowned at seeing that and then leaned into the car. “No regrets, right?” He heard Dean’s soft response, ‘None’, and nodded. “Good, I love you,” he returned in a low voice meant only for Dean’s ears and then pulled back and pushed the door closed. He stood on the sidewalk, watching as Dean pulled away. Once the Impala was out of sight, he turned and made his way into the school.


	6. Starting Over

Dean did his best to keep himself busy so he wouldn’t think about the events from the night before and earlier that morning. He drove to the laundromat, hauled the duffle bag along with his folder inside. He scanned the area, noting that all but one of the machines were in use. With a sigh, he headed over to the machine to claim it as his own until he was done. With the first load of laundry in the washing machine, he settled into an empty chair, pulled out his folder and forced himself to focus on studying. He needed to pass his GED test, not only for himself but for Sam. He had made a promise to Sam, no other men, ever and he wouldn’t break that promise. He was Sam’s and Sam was his. The thought that he finally had what he wanted and that Sam wanted him as well made him smile. Taking a deep breath, he pushed down any other thoughts and began to read over the material. He didn’t raise his head from his reading until he heard the machine stop. He put aside his folder, got up and started to unload the washing machine before refilling it with the next load of dirty clothes. He made his way to the dryers, found an empty machine and loaded the wet clothes in and started the machine to dry them. By the time he was done washing, drying and folding the laundry, it was past lunchtime. He heard his stomach growling in hunger, the one piece of toast hadn’t been enough, but he had been able to ignore his growing hunger until now. He carried the duffle bag to the Impala and returned to their room. He started sorting out Sam’s clothes from his when his phone rang. Grabbing it, he looked down to see their dad’s name flash across the screen. “Dad?” he said breathlessly.

“Dean,” John’s gruff sounded from the other end of the line. “I’m gonna be there in a day or two. How are you two holding up?”

“We’re fine, Dad. Sam’s in school, I’ve gotta pick him up in less than an hour.” At the mention of Sam and speaking to his father, Dean’s heart started hammering in his chest. Why now, he wondered. Why was John calling now? He hadn’t bothered to return any of his calls until now. Not until after . . . No, there was no way that their father knew about what had happened between his own sons. 

“And, are you looking after your brother? Keeping him safe?” John demanded.

A spark of anger burned in his belly at hearing John’s words. If he was so damn worried, why the hell was calling now? Why not after his first call? Why not just stay and take care of his sons? “Yes, sir,” was the only response he could give.

“But, there’s something else isn’t there?”

“Have you listened to any of the messages I left?” Dean asked quietly.

“I’ve been busy with the hunt. Just spit it out,” John responded irritably.

“I’ve done my best to keep Sam safe, to feed him . . . But we’re running out of money, sir.” He bit his bottom lip and waited for the barrage of John’s angry words. 

John sighed into the phone. “It’s your job to do whatever it takes to care for Sam.”

“I have . . .” Dean started to explain, only to be cut off by John.

“Don’t interrupt me, boy! You will continue to take care of your brother. When I get there, I expect you to be ready to move out. There’s another hunt a few states over . . .”

Dean gave in to his anger, cutting John off, “So then go, but you’re not making Sam move again. He’s settled here. He’s nearly finished school. He’s gonna graduate soon . . .”

“Are you telling me what to do?” John yelled into the phone. “You better watch your tone with me and the next words out of your mouth better be ‘We’ll be ready, sir’,” John spat out. 

“We’ll be ready, sir,” Dean responded sarcastically.

“See that you are,” John responded tersely and ended the call.

Dean heard the dial tone before he pulled the phone from his ear. He let the phone fall to the bed and sank down next to it. He scrubbed his hands over his face. What the hell was he going to do? He didn’t want to leave. He was so close to getting his GED, finishing what he had started. Sam was about to finish school, his graduation was in less than three weeks. He had finally admitted his feelings for Sam. They had made love . . . His eyes shot to the clock. “Fuck,” he spat out as he forced himself up from the bed. He had to pick Sam up. He had made Sam a promise, he’d go to the clinic and get himself tested. He’d focus on that for now and figure things out later. He grabbed his phone and keys and headed out to pick Sam up from school.

Dean was true to his words. After picking Sam up he had driven them to the clinic. With Sam trailing behind him he entered the clinic, walked over to the receptionist and waited to be acknowledged. He felt Sam rest his hand on the small of his back and glanced over his shoulder to give Sam a smile.

“Can I help you?” the woman asked as she looked up at the two men standing in front of her desk.

“I need to get tested,” Dean stated and waited for the woman to look him over. He was expecting her to judge him, but instead, she just smiled at him.

“Of course, why don’t you follow me?” she suggested as she pushed back from her desk. She led them down a short hall that opened into a larger room filled with beds that were sectioned off by curtain dividers to allow for privacy. “Wait here.” She disappeared behind one of the curtains, leaving them to wait for her return. They could hear a muffled conversation before she reappeared holding a clipboard. “Fill this form out and then someone will call you in.”

Dean nodded and accepted the offered clipboard from the woman before she walked back in the direction they had come from. He had started filling the form out when Sam interrupted him.

“Can we afford this?” Sam asked as he looked around the room.

“Sam, it’s a free clinic. Besides, we need to know, right?”

“Yeah, okay,” Sam agreed.

A woman pushed aside one of the curtains and walked toward them. “So, I can take you now,” she informed them and then motioned for them to follow her. “Hop up,” she instructed and patted the examination table before pulling the curtain closed. She turned to find Dean sitting on the table with Sam hovering next to him. “Why don’t you tell me why you’re here.”

Nodding, Dean handed her the clipboard. “I need to get tested. I want to make sure I’m clean,” he admitted. He looked down at the floor, feeling his cheeks heat up from embarrassment. “I’ve used condoms, but . . .”

The woman patted Dean’s knee. “You don’t have to explain anything to me as to why you want to get tested. You’re trying to be responsible and safe. I’m going to draw some blood and send it out for testing. It’ll take a few days and you can either come back here to get the results or we can mail them to you.”

“Uhm, we’re staying at the motel. It’s temporary,” Dean said and then nervously rubbed at the back of his head. 

“We can call you, let you know when we get the results back. How does that sound?” she asked.

“Okay, let’s do this,” Dean responded and felt Sam slide his hand into his. He gave it a squeeze before pulling away to roll up his sleeve to offer his arm. 

They watched as the woman grabbed the needed supplies and donned a pair of gloves. She tied a tourniquet around his bicep and felt for a vein before cleansing the area with an alcohol wipe. “You’re going to feel a slight pinch,” she informed Dean before she brought the needle to his arm and pushed it into his vein. Once she had the needle in the vein, she connected the sample bottle to the barrel of the needle to collect his blood and released the tourniquet. When she had enough blood, she withdrew the needle, placed some gauze over the area and had him hold it while she capped the sample, wrote out a label and disposed of the used needle and supplies. She replaced the gauze with a bandaid and had him confirm the information on his blood sample.

“Yeah, everything looks right,” Dean said with a shake of his head.

“Great, this will be sent out and it shouldn’t take more than a few days. Until then, you and your partner should continue to practice safe sex.” She gave Sam a smile. “Do you think you should get . . .”

“No, we . . .” Sam shook his head. 

“He’s the reason I’m getting tested. I’m not taking any chances with his safety,” Dean explained as he hopped off the table.

A smile spread across the woman’s face. “Good. Just remember to continue practicing safe sex with your partner. Well, you’re free to go,” she said as she pushed aside the curtain and led them back the way they came.

As they stood on the sidewalk outside the clinic Dean grabbed Sam’s hand and started walking down the block.

“Where are we going?” Sam inquired.

Dean jutted his chin toward the pharmacy at the corner. “If we still plan on . . . We’ll need, uhm, protection.”

“Oh,” Sam replied and followed Dean inside. 

“I’ll get what we need.” Dean let go of Sam’s hand and disappeared down an aisle. He reappeared a few minutes later with a plastic bag in his hand. Holding it up he gave Sam a sly smile. “Got it.” Before Sam could respond to his words, a man stepped out of one of the aisles. He looked at Dean and took a few steps toward him. The smile dropped from Dean’s face when he realized who was coming toward him. 

Sam watched as a man approached Dean. To him, the man looked angry. He took a few steps toward them, watching and listening. He watched as Dean tensed, but he forced himself not to interfere, at least not yet.

“You little whore, I waited for you. You think you’re too good to suck my cock?” the man spat out his words venomously at Dean. “That’s what whores do, the last time I checked, suck cock and get fucked for money.”

Dean swallowed, not saying anything as the man continued to berate him. He took a step back, not wanting to start a fight, not now, not with Sam standing only a few feet away from him, watching what was happening. He felt his panic rising, Sam was watching. Sam had heard what this guy had said to him and he bowed his head as his cheeks burned from embarrassment. Even though Sam knew what he had done and why he still hated that Sam had any knowledge of it. He had always wanted to keep that from him. He felt the guy put a hand on him, and heard him telling him he was a good-for-nothing whore. He flinched at the words, managing to free himself from the man’s grip.

Sam heard the man’s words, spoken low so only those standing close would hear them. He knew they were really meant for Dean’s ears, but he had heard them and he saw red. He took a few more steps toward Dean, closing the distance between them, slung his arm around Dean’s shoulder and looked the man in the eyes. He saw the shocked look on the man’s face and he smiled coldly at him. “He didn’t go to meet you because he has me. He has someone who loves him and he’s not a whore. So, I suggest you fuck off,” Sam said evenly, making sure the man knew he wasn’t joking. He watched as the man sputtered and took a step back and then squared his shoulders as if he was getting ready to say something else. He let go of Dean and took a step forward. “I was pretty clear, wasn’t I? If you come near him again, put your hands on him again, you won’t live to regret it,” he gritted out and watched as the man visibly paled, turned and ran in the opposite direction. He turned back to Dean to see the shocked look on Dean’s face.

“Wh . . . why did you do that? It . . . it doesn’t matter what he said . . .” Dean started to say in a rushed whisper.

Sam pulled Dean to him and gently kissed him. “I did that because it does matter. You matter, to me. No one gets to treat you like that, ever again.” He pulled back from Dean, putting him at arm’s length so he could look at him. “Let’s go home.”

“Yeah, okay,” Dean murmured and led them out of the store and back to the car. Dean remained silent on the drive back. His mind was running on a loop, recalling the call from their father. He closed the door to their room and leaned against it. He closed his eyes as he tried to figure out how to tell Sam about the call, how they were expected to pack and be ready to leave. How things were just as screwed up for them as they had always been.

Sam turned around to see Dean leaning against the door looking like he had the weight of the world resting on his shoulders. “Dean?”

Dean’s eyes popped open and he took in Sam’s concerned look. “Dad called. He wants us packed and ready to leave as soon as he gets here.” He looked away from Sam. Dropping his eyes to the floor, “I’m sorry,” he whispered. 

“No, we’re not going,” Sam said defiantly. He closed the distance between them and cupped Dean’s face in his hands. “He doesn’t get to do this, not anymore. Next week is your test. I graduate in three weeks. We’re staying. We’ll figure things out. You and me, right?” he asked.

Dean searched Sam’s hazel eyes, seeing how vulnerable he was at this moment despite the brave front he was putting on. “You and me,” he replied and saw Sam relax. “We’ll figure something out.”

That night Sam climbed into bed with Dean, needing to be close to him. Dean watched as he shuffled over to him, uncertain at first. Dean shifted on the bed, making room for him and opened his arms to him. He climbed in and settled himself in Dean’s arms. He lay there, wrapped in Dean’s arms, listening to his steady breathing until he had drifted off to sleep. 

Dean held Sam in his arms trying to figure out just what he was going to do. They couldn’t pack up and join their father, that he knew. They’d never be happy and Sam deserved more. Sam had a shot at a real future, whether Sam stayed with him or not, he had to at least try to give that to him. He heard the familiar sound of John’s truck rumble into the parking lot and gently untangled himself from Sam. He pulled on his boots and jacket and went outside to meet their father. He watched as John slid out from behind the wheel and then he walked over to him. “We’re not going,” he said evenly and watched as John’s eyes widened in shock and then narrowed in anger. 

“What did you say?” John demanded.

“I said, we’re not going. You wanted me to take care of Sam, I am. This is what he needs. He needs to finish school. He needs to graduate. You want to go on this hunt, then go, but we’re staying right here.” Dean readied himself for John’s angry tirade or worse, his fists.

John studied Dean. He saw how tense Dean was like he was waiting to be hit. He may have been hard on his boys, but he had never hit them. Seeing that, the way Dean was expecting this reaction, knocked the wind out of him. He slumped against the truck and pulled out his wallet. “Fine, stay. But I expect you to join me as soon as Sam’s done school,” he said as he pulled out what cash he had. “Here, make it last.” He handed the money to Dean and pulled his hand back. “Wait, here use this to pay for the room, or whatever else it’ll cover until it runs out.” He handed Dean a credit card and then pulled open the door to his truck. Without another word to Dean, he climbed back in and pulled the door closed. With a glance over to Dean, he started the truck and pulled out, leaving Dean alone in the parking lot.

Dean watched as John’s truck disappeared before stuffing the cash and credit card into his pocket. He took a few steadying breaths, turned and made his way back into their room. As soon as he had the door closed, he was met by Sam.

Sam grabbed Dean and pulled him close, looking him over to see if he had been hit. Not seeing any bruises, he leaned in and kissed Dean. 

“You were watching.” It wasn’t a question, Dean already knew the answer. 

“Yeah,” Sam admitted. “So, what now?”

“We have until you graduate, then he expects us to join him.”

“What are we gonna do?” Sam questioned.

“We’ll figure it out. You and me, right?” Dean responded.

“Yeah, you and me,” Sam confirmed before pulling Dean into a searing kiss, one that left them panting when they broke apart. “I love you,” he managed to get out in between pants.

“Love you, too,” Dean replied softly as he began to think of what needed to be done within the next three weeks. The first thing he needed was to get his test results back, to find out if he was really clean so he could give Sam what he wanted, him in every way. Then, he needed to pass his test so he could get his GED. Once he had that, he knew he could actually provide for Sam without resorting to what he had to in the past in order to do that. 

Much to Dean’s relief, he had received a clean bill of health, passed his GED test and as soon as Sam had graduated, they packed what little they had, piled themselves into the Impala and had disappeared. They stopped by Bobby’s for a brief visit and to leave their father a letter letting him know they had left on their own, that no one had taken them to get back at him and asked him not to look for them. They had decided to cut all ties to the hunting community and had never looked back. For the first six months, they moved around, never staying longer than three days in any one place for fear that their father or something supernatural would come for them. But Dean had seen the toll it was taking on Sam and knew he had to provide him with something more, something stable in his life. He found them a small apartment, one that had a little nook that Sam could use when he needed to study late into the night for his college exams. Sam had given up on his dream of going to Stanford and becoming a lawyer, but not on going to college. At first, they had fought about it before leasing the apartment.

“I’m not so sure I want to be a lawyer anymore,” Sam announced as they were trying to figure out the next place to move to.

“You’re too damn stubborn for your own good!” Dean yelled at Sam. “You can’t just give up your dream. You’ve wanted to go to Stanford, become a lawyer, since, well, since forever. That was all you ever talked about. You’re going, and that’s final!”

Sam scoffed at Dean. “I’m stubborn?” he asked, pointing at himself and throwing a bitch face at Dean. “That’s a fucking joke! You’re one of the most stubborn assholes I’ve ever met, next to Dad.” He watched as Dean stiffened at the mention of their father and had instantly regretted his words. He ran his hands through his hair as he tried to find a way to apologize to him. Six months later and Dean still expected John to find them and force them back into the life they had escaped. Dropping his hands to his sides, he turned to Dean and pulled him to his chest. “I don’t care about that anymore. It was a dream, that’s all. I have a new one, and it involves you. I used to want to go to college so I could get away from Dad, from that life, but never from you.”

Dean leaned into Sam’s touch. “So, what’s this new dream, the one that involves me?” he questioned.

“You and me, settling down somewhere with a place of our own. You get a job, maybe as a mechanic since you like cars so much and I can still go to college, just not for law.” 

“Yeah, what are you gonna go to college for? Cosmetology? You could, with that hair.” Dean snickered at his own joke.

“Very funny, asshole,” Sam shot back and then ran his fingers through his hair. “No, I was thinking something in the medical field, maybe nursing or emergency services, possibly looking into becoming a paramedic.”

Dean wiggled his eyebrows. “Oh, either is fine. I like the thought of you coming home in your uniform or scrubs, and fucking me into the mattress,” he responded slyly. 

Sam rolled his eyes and chuckled, “Then, we live happily ever after.”

Dean raised his eyebrows at his brother.

“Okay, as happily ever after as we can,” Sam murmured as he placed a kiss on Dean’s lips. “We can be what we want, do what makes us happy.” He let go of Dean to grab his duffle bag to start packing, tossing the few items left on their bed into it.

“What about Dad? What if he finds us, figures out . . .” Dean started to say, only to be cut off by Sam. 

“Fuck, Dad!” Sam yelled as he dropped the shirt he had been holding in his hand.

“Yeah, that’s a hard no,” Dean responded, trying to stop his lips from twitching up into a smile. “The only one in the family I want to fuck is my little brother.”

Sam turned around to face Dean, with a look of surprise on his face. He took one look at Dean, threw his head back and laughed. “That’s actually a good one,” Sam replied as he grabbed Dean by the waist and pulled him in for a kiss. 

They had settled in the town of Bend, Oregon. It seemed to suit them both. It offered hiking trails, whitewater rafting, fishing, and skiing, among other activities that kept them busy. The downtown area had great places to eat or grab a beer. They found that they could settle in Bend, blend in and just create a life together as a married couple, the Winchesters.

Sam enrolled in the nursing program at Central Oregon Community College while Dean worked as a mechanic’s apprentice. After the first year, Dean surprised him by enrolling at the same college, taking business courses to earn an Associate Degree in Business Administration. When he had asked Dean about it, he had been surprised by his response.

“Not that I don’t think you’re capable of earning your degree, because I do and you are, but why? I thought you enjoyed working with cars, making them run again,” Sam questioned.

“I do, but it really was only ever for fun. I don’t want to do this for the rest of my life. I figured I’d give this a try, take a few courses at night and see how it goes,” Dean explained and Sam had backed him wholeheartedly. 

Ten years later they had made a few changes in their lives. Sam had graduated with his RN-BSN degree and had accepted a job at St. Charles Health Systems, their local hospital, right after graduating. He had moved up over the years and had taken a position in the ER as the department manager. A year after graduating with his degree, Dean had shocked Sam again with the idea of owning his own bar. He had seen the gleam in Dean’s eyes when he talked about being his own boss, making an honest living and being able to hold his head up high knowing he was providing for him, even though they shared a bank account and paid for their expenses from their combined money. He knew where Dean was coming from with that comment, how he was still embarrassed by what he had done to put food on the table, to make sure he had clothes that fit him, that he had everything he needed, even if Dean had gone without, even if Dean had allowed other men to touch him, to pay him for sex. Not since the night that he had told Dean, he knew about his secret had they ever spoken about it, and he knew he would never bring it up again. It hurt too much to think of Dean like that, and he could never inflict that kind of pain on the man he loved. 

With Sam’s blessing, Dean had acted on his idea and purchased a bar that had been for sale in the heart of the downtown area. He had painstakingly refurbished the place, naming it _The Crossroads Bar_ as a nod to the life they had dared to leave behind. He had added a small menu along with the beers offered and his business had taken off, so much so that he had surprised Sam again by purchasing a small two-bedroom home for them, complete with a fenced-in yard. When Sam had asked him about the yard, he had just smiled and told him he’d understand soon enough.

Sam had come home from a particularly brutal shift in the ER to be greeted by two small blurs of fur running around the back yard. “Dean?” he called out in concern. He stood there, not daring to move as two labrador puppies bounded up and down the opposite side of the fence he was standing at, keeping him out of his own yard. He looked up when he heard the back door being opened to see Dean standing there with a wide grin on his face.

“Hey, Sam,” Dean said and then turned his attention to the two dogs. “Boys, I know you’re excited to meet your other Daddy, but you have to give him a minute to get in the yard.” He watched as the dogs reluctantly moved away from the fence so Sam could open the gate. “The golden one’s name is Scout and the brown one’s name is Finn. I remembered how much you had wanted a dog while growing up, but we couldn’t have one. I was just gonna get one, but they’re brothers and I couldn’t separate them.”

“No, they can’t be separated from each other,” Sam agreed and then pulled Dean into a heated kiss as the dogs ran around them. “I love you so much. Thank you,” he said before pulling away to crouch down and pet the dogs. “Welcome to your new home.” That night to really thank Dean, he had climbed into their bed and had given Dean one hell of a blowjob before fucking him into near unconsciousness. 

As Dean sat at their kitchen table sipping his coffee, he studied the man that had seen past all of his shit and still dared to love him, the one who he had given his heart to. Not once since Sam had found out about his secret had he thrown it back in his face. Not even when they had some really angry fights had Sam ever brought up his past and what he had done to provide for him. For that alone, he was grateful and always would be. 

Sam, turned from the counter with his coffee in his hand and sat down across from him, the only thing separating them was the table. Underneath the table, their feet were entwined. When they were together some part of their bodies was always touching, always needing the contact from the other. It was like they were two halves of the same coin, one couldn’t exist without the other. Dean rested his left hand on the table while his right held his coffee, within moments, Sam’s hand was on his and he smiled. He pulled his attention away from his mug to look up and found hazel eyes staring back with so much love directed at him, it was nearly heartstopping. “What?” he asked and cocked his head to the side waiting for Sam to say something. 

Sam gave Dean a soft smile before answering him, “Love you, that’s all. After all this time, I still can’t believe you’re mine.”

Dean chuckled. He could have given Sam a sarcastic comment, told him to stop being such a girl, but he didn’t. He chose to return the sentiment. “I love you, too. You’re still the best damn thing in my life. Nothing’s ever gonna change that.” 

As he gave Sam’s hand a little squeeze, he knew in his heart that somehow he had been blessed. He wasn’t going to question why he would just accept it and be happy.


End file.
